After Hallux Valgus Surgery I (warning: slightly gross pictures)

No x-rays yet, those are in my chart at Scarborough Grace. Kind of, they're on the Grace intranet thingy. Anyway, you can see how straight my feet are now! My big toes have to be pulled out so that the bones don't fall back into their old positions, but that space between them will even out once I'm 100% recovered.

My left foot is still much worse than my right, so the big toe refuses to be pulled enough. (warning: somewhat graphic descriptions) Unlike the right foot, that long incision along the side has little flaps in it, which healed kind of ugly. They put steri-strips on them because the edges weren't stitched together properly. It's still swollen, so they wrapped it extra tight which means it hurts extra much, in addition to pulling on the toe.

Stay tuned!

The Path to Medicine Is Winding and Steep

...and I do not know if I can wend my way down a path so deep.

Readers, you know me. You know that ever since Mrs. Genova got metal filing to move around with magnets I've been obsessed with science. When in grade five Mr. DeKort handed out sheets with pictures of skeletons on them I couldn't get enough of health. That year I memorized every single bone on those sheets. The next year, I did a science project on cells. That's right, a whole project just on cells and how cells work. I thought it was mesmerizing. I could have stood up there and talked about cells for hours, "this is the mitochondria it processes and creates energy and it-" on and on... I really didn't understand why people weren't excited about it! Gosh, I was such a nerd...

From the moment I memorized that skeleton I knew I wanted to be a doctor. I'd "get into" Mary Ward CSS, (that was when I thought you had to apply for and be accepted to high schools) which would foster a strong foundation in independent learning while managing a part-time job and occasionally volunteering. I would then seek a spot at U of T in the Health Sciences: Human Biology and Disease program. I would try to continue working but would find that the coursework is too heavy, (yes, I planned on that) and would drop the part-time job. I would live in residence to experience university life. In second year I might actually end up moving back home to save money- I wasn't sure at that point. I would begin taking MCAT prep courses on the side and during third year I would write the MCAT. I would get quite nervous while doing it and void the exam. I would take it again and do well, enter medical school, struggle with all the memorization but in time become an excellent diagnostician and make some small headway in the specialization of my choice. Oh, I would also have 2 or 3 kids and get married in a medium ceremony in a park at dusk but without mosquitoes. (I had figured that by the time I met the love of my life the world would have invented a way to have outdoor night parties without bugs.)


Somewhere I got off track.

No, I'm joking, I know where I got off track. Two years before I "got into" Mary Ward CSS Centre for Self-Directed Learning I discovered that things don't always go as plan. Two years AFTER I was at Mary Ward my world finally, gratefully, stopped. I had been trying to slow it down for ages.

So it happened that when I was 15, I became a high-school drop out. Oh, don't get me wrong, I was enrolled for 3.5 more years, but I hardly attended school. I waited for death. I waited on the off-chance that I would be happy. It worked! One day I woke up and said, "g'day mate!" and emerged into my new Australia, care of Dr. Horrible. (That joke was horrible, I'm sorry.) (I'm also sorry for the pun.)

Throughout that time I was learning that my life doesn't revolve around school. There was more to me than being a student. I have had the most excellent summer. I went to the beach, shopping, rode the streetcars, cheap stuff. Free stuff, mostly. Then I applied for the pre-health science program at George Brown College.

The funny thing about pre-health science is that it does not get you into any science program at any university. You study courses like biology, chemistry, mathematics, anatomy, and physiology, but if you transfer to a university level institution you will not satisfy the requirements for a science program.

I must go to university. There is only so much a girl's family can take, I need to go to university. So I'm going to transfer from the field I love to one I might not hate- social work. Several schools offer the BSW program that can get me into advanced standing for an MSW should I not be able to get into medical school. Four years down the road I will discover that I...still need science courses.

Unfortunately I didn't get into the science programs for uni so I will have to take those separately, (and pay separately) in what is called a postbaccalaureate premed program. THEN I can take MCAT prep courses and apply for medical school.

~

I love medicine. I think it's facinating. I think it's awesome, the way a zygote turns into a full-grown human being, I think it's cool that on Monday I came in with a bit of extra bone in my feet and on Tuesday I left with less bone but stronger feet. I think washing out wounds and suturing them is like a dance, flesh and needle. I look at my xrays and I think, "look at that. Look how my bones have displaced themselves, the strange angle they're at. Look at how they're normally placed, how that all works together. If I just look at the bones in this xray and ignore the outline of flesh, it's like wearing a pair of heels all the time, there's hardly any bone holding me up! Piles of tiny tiny bones working together to keep me upright. Tendons and muscles and tissues and flesh just to make that one pinky toe work."


Out of all of my friends I am the one who knows most what I want to be doing when I'm old and grey. I don't have the certificates or the papers but I know what I love and I'd be good at it, I just need somebody who can teach me. I'm ready.

Before Hallux Valgus Surgery

I have more recent films taken from October, but my doctor needed those in the OR. She let me keep these older images from April 15th, 2008. I think they're fantastic. You can see the bone structure underneath my bunions- see how the first (big) toe is deviated so far from the rest? That's pretty awesome.

I had surgery on Monday Sept 23rd 2009. Right now my feet are wrapped up in twin casts, so seeing the outline of my soft, foot flesh is kind of making me miss them. Silly feet! I hope I get to see the after shots!

Book Quiz !

What To Do: Using only books you have read this year (2009), answer these questions. Try not to repeat a book title. It’s a lot harder than you think!

Describe yourself: The Chrysalids (John Wyndham)

How do you feel: The Dream Where The Losers Go (Beth Goobie)

Describe where you currently live: How To Be Canadian (Will Ferguson)

If you could go anywhere, where would you go? Red Audrey and the Roping (Jill Malone)

Your favorite form of transportation: Gazelle (Rikki Durnoket)

Your best friend is: Alt Ed (Catherine Atkins)

You and your friends are: See Above.

What’s the weather like: Burned (Ellen Hopkins)

You fear: The Bar Code Tattoo (Suzanne Weyn)

What is the best advice you have to give: The Hedonism Handbook (Michael Flocker)

Thought for the day: The Devil Wears Prada (Lauren Weisburger)

How I would like to die: Elsewhere (Gabrielle Zevin)

My soul’s present condition: Lost and Found (Carolyn Parkhurst)

Clean House

If you refer back to How To Survive a Messy House, Part 1 and Part 2, you'll see my house as it normally is. This is after I took advantage of my parents being on vacation to clean up. This is my room before the big clean up.

Lolo's Birthday - July 2009

Yonge-Dundas Square is Growing on Me

In the beginning I thought Yonge-Dundas Square, (hereunto called yd2 because it's cooler) was butt ugly. Here was a giant grey square of concrete plonked down in the middle of the city, surrounded by blaring billboards and obnoxiously loud advertisements.



The city continued to promote the square and I steered away from all the events. I was not interested in our wannabe Times Square. I also steered away from using the yd2 entrance to the Dundas subway station- it was surrounded by metal vents the perfect size for dropping your token, tickets or god-forbid Metropass down.

The difference between yd2 and Times Square is the meeting space. That square of concrete created a venue for concerts, films, festivals, and a multitude of other events. FREE events. In a city where it costs at least $2.50 to get on the bus FREE is always appreciated.

Plants appeared, (no trees yet) and it became- well, cool. I'd cross the street diagonally, hop across the concrete while keeping a firm hold on my Metropass, skip through the water fountains and land at the Info Booth. They could really use the Internet in there to google some answers.

This weekend I passed through the Live Green festival and thought it was pretty cool. Parts of Yonge St had been closed, but I imagine a much smaller fest could go on in The Square without shutting down the streets.

Tonight I emerged to yd2 and found all those silver chairs lined up in front of the video screen. There sat a group of people, complete strangers, watching a movie in the middle of a city. The Walk-In-Movies. That's incredible. Around them streetcar bells tolled, the scramble crossing chirped and beeped, the advertisements talked, an incredible amount of money changed hands and yet everyone was just sitting there, engrossed in this movie.

Pride brings queers and allies together during the last week of June. Community centers bring people from the neighbourhood together. Parks bring potheads, teenage lovers, and happy kids together. Harbourfront has this lovely patch of fake grass I like because I'm not fond of bumpy ground. Harbourfront hosts festivals like Luminato. But yd2 brings people from all over the city- and sometimes from all over the world to do something simple together. Watch a movie, listen to a group. You don't need an itinerary to meet new people at yd2, just drop in and see what you find.

I think it'll grow on you too.

The Best Coming Out Ever

I was sitting at the table with my cousin and niece. She was busy telling me all about who would her Prince when she finished eating and we could play Princesses. She had two choices - Justin Timberlake or Michael Jackson.

She offered me Michael Jackson to be my Prince, but I told her I wasn't really interested in either one of them. "So who's gonna be your Prince Tita Tina?"
"Uhm...Doogie Howser."
"Justin Timberlake?"
"Neil Patrick Harris."
"Michael Jackson?"
Then my cousin cut in and said, "Tita Tina is gonna have a wife."

My niece looked at me and went, "Okay. Then I get Justin Timberlake AND Michael Jackson?"

----

Thank God for my cousins and their kids. For my cousins it was like, "What?" to "Whatever." Fantastic! I mean, one of them even helped me out with which bars...

But the kids are like, "And?" That's like, total Ideal Coming Out. It's not a revelation or a change or a period of mushed up pronouns.

And I thought I couldn't love them anymore.

Kat's Tips and Household Tricks

I didn't actually write these, they're compiled from a number of sources. Anyway, they're so freaken awesome I invite you to check out the link. I've tried 75% of them and they all work, it's amazing.

Kaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat's Tips and Household Tricks!
Click the link to view and d/l the google doc!

On another note, I burned my eyelid while curling my hair. Beauty really is pain. Seriously.

Marry Me Doogie!!!

I've just finished watching all 4 seasons of Doogie Howser, M.D. (1989-1993)

If Doogie Howser wasn't fictional or 17 years older than me I would marry the guy.

• He's a dork. In season 1 he was 16 and had a pudgy face, giant hair, horrible ties and gigantic dress shirts. In season 4 he was 19 and still had horrible ties.
  I'm a dork. I spout random knowledge, am pretty awkward, and say the darnest things.
  
• He's constantly learning new things about himself. Doogie can be a jerk, but eventually he learns something new about how he and the world interact.
  Me too! I learned that I can be bossy, pretty angry, overly self-conscious, etc... but through life, (and therapy) I too figure out ways to be more harmonious with the world I live in.
  
• He writes a short journal every night, documenting changes in his perspective.
  I don't write in my diary every night, but I do write often, especially about how my thoughts evolve and change. I tend to write pages and pages then not at all.
  
• He's a doctor.
  I want to be a doctor.
• He's 6'1".
  I'm 5'1". We'd be hilarious just standing next to each other.
  
• Although he started out shy about sex, he became more confident about it. He could teach me to be more comfortable with anything beyond closed-mouth kissing.
• He moved out, then moved back home, then moved out to a place what he'd almost own when he was ready.
  I need my own place. Having this weekend to myself has only strengthened my conviction to move out as soon as it's financially feasible.
  
• He's OK with the gay! In fact, he helped Vinnie get over his misconceptions about having a gay roommate in his dorm.
  I'm one of the gays! In fact, I'm a teensy bit active about helping people get over the misconceptions about the sexuality/gender spectrum.
• He and his best friend really mean a lot to each other, and they're not afraid of that. I respect that kind of strong relationship.
• His idea of a rockin' New Year's Eve party is an intimate, formal affair with shrimp and cocktails. But when his plans went wrong he partied like an animal and loved it.
  I've been dreaming of having an intimate, formal garden party with shrimp and cocktails. But I'm also interesting in partying like a penguin. (Yea Penguathelon!!!)
  
• He owns a tuxedo.
  I love people in tuxedos.
• His loft is decorated the way I think I'd like to decorate. Light, airy, open space...less than ideal neighbours though...
• For a long time he worried about his leukemia coming back, and that kept him from enjoying life. Instead he rushed through, afraid that he wouldn't have time for it. That's one of the things he realized in the series finale. He uses his experience to gain insight towards being a better doctor and a better person.
  I worry about my depression and anxiety. I think I'm doing pretty well at having fun, while still being careful about it. I try to talk about in a way that eases people out of believing myths that contribute to stigma. I'm learning to live like your average teen instead of being scared it'll come back. It probably will, so I might as well take advantage of the good times now.
• He changes his mind about people. Like when Raymond held him and Vinnie up at the convenience store he learned more about Ray and ended up being friends with him. I like that.
• He's romantic!

I hope that's the person I'll marry. Someone with a kind, open heart, good friendships and healthy relationships, funny, some similar interests, someone who has things to teach me, someone who is willing to change his or her mind, and someone who gets the good and the bad stuff. I think we'd be happy, whoever he or she is.

Something weird is happening with the buses...

Last night I was making my way home, your average commute from the city. I emerged from the subway tunnels into a world enveloped with a deep blue sky. I smiled, drinking in the calm of the bus station. I didn't wait long before a bus came along, snagging a prime spot by the window.

Slowly people filled it until it chugged away. We hadn't travelled far when the bus stopped- and didn't start again. For a while I was oblivious, engrossed in choosing the perfect playlist on my mp3. Then the other passengers started to get restless. A few jumped off, choosing to walk instead. It was fifteen minutes before the bus started up again. We trundled slowly by, and out the window I saw two other stalled vehicles. One bus heading south, completely darkened and abandoned. Another with occupants, like mine, frozen in the left turning lane.

Night had fallen deeper when the bus turned a corner and stopped once again. The riders started calling home, telling their friends and family's that they would be late. In a few minutes the driver told us all to exit via the back doors and catch the bus on the sidestreet.

An empty bus, seemingly waiting for us sat in a small street perpendicular to our route. We piled onto it, at first hesitantly, then in a mad dash to grab the good seats. The two drivers conferred, then switched buses. Finally we were on the move again. This second change of events drew a pall over the group, a sense that something was wrong. Several blocks down the line we had to switch buses again. Was this it? Was this all some mad plan, years in the works to exact revenge on the passengers that tormented the TTC so much? Was one of these buses doomed to die?

Were we on the doomed bus?

I boarded the new bus taking care to give a quiet, "good evening" and smile to the driver before taking a seat. Here was a new set of people, most of which had never been on a stopped bus. Happily I departed after two blocks, afraid to risk staying on any longer.

Something strange was going on, and I am glad to have survived it. I can only hope I still survive after passing on my plight to you. Godspeed, my readers.

Tour Toronto

I was going to start my streetcar tours today. (Day One: 501 Queen, 508 Lakeshore.) Then I looked at the Weather Network and OF COURSE it's thunderstorming again! Today, tomorrow, Thursday. Awesome.

I know I should stick to my TTC plan because I'm not gonna be traveling the city in a giant hippo after this, and it'll be good to learn the public transit routes. But it's gonna take AGES! At least five full days. If I take a hippo I can see the entire city and the harbour in a couple hours- which means I can probably do that in between the rain.

Maybe I'll do both, a hippo and 501 Queen now, then spread the rest of the routes out over the year.

I'd leave the house, but it's 31degrees out there and it's gonna get rainy. *sigh* I'm Filipino, I'm supposed to feel cold in this weather! My cousin once emailed me and mentioned, "It's only 28 here so it's pretty cold." But I'm also Canadian, so I'd probably melt as soon as I got outside.

RJ On the Mend

RJ wakes up and the first thing he says is, "I want juice and pasta...." which he got! (Me too.)

My Fridge is Controlling Me

I was gathering fruits for a snack when the fridge started to beep at me. "You left the door open!" it said. "Nearly done," I replied. "What the fuck is wrong with you?! Do you know how much energy you're wasting by leaving my doors open!? BEEEEEP BEEEP BEEEEEEEEEP!!!!"

I chucked the rest of the fruits in there and ran.

About celebrity crushes...

I have a new celebrity crush. It's on Neil Patrick Harris, or NPH if you're a super fan or don't want to type. Which I don't sometimes. I chose this picture because it's so classic and for some reason I can't manage to pull it off in all my years of cam-whoring. Ah, the looking-away-coyly-while-laughing look!

I kind of hate getting celebrity obsessions. Every so often it just pops up and I turn into a total dork. Suddenly I'm this raving stalker sex-crazed straight girl who emits a lot of high pitched noises and pumps the air so hard her boobs bounce and it hurts.

I totally know when this is happening though! I know I'm a freaky obsessed schoolgirl, (I still have the uniform so I'm still allowed to say that!) but I just can't stop! Remember when I was all about Ellen? Or Mei Melancon for about two weeks? Or Leisha? Or...wait, that girl isn't a celebrity. Anyway, or...god forbid...Vadim Schneider? Pau, with Johnny Depp? Michelle, with that other British guy? It'll pass, it'll pass. It'll pass!

But for now, I'm totally feeding it. I like Neil Patrick Harris because
a) He does MAGIC!
b) He's totally unashamedly gay, which makes other people around feel like, "hey, that's okay." That's awesome. I'm not even that comfortable with my sexuality, I feel this need to prove it's real. That, and it's really funny when people from my area find out. Or from the Church. Heh. Heheh. Heh.
c) He has a good vocabulary.
d) He enunciates. He E-NUN-CI-ATES.
e) Although most people know him from his young role as Doogie, he's not stuck in that role.
f) He's also a STAGE ACTOR. In MUSICALS. Rent, Sweeney, his first favourite musical was Les Mis? That was my second favourite musical! Seriously though, Rent? And he's good at it for real.
g) In one episode of HIMYM he cleans Ted's apartment. For different reasons, but I love people who clean. And enunciate. <3

Now, I have to go back to watching Season 4 of How I Met Your Mother for the fifth time, before I plug in the soundtrack to Dr. Horrible then watch Sweeney for the third time today.

Oh, by the way, I was thinking about how I always get crushes on old people and I thought...maybe I'll end up dating a cougar. Roar.

Awesome HIMYM Quote!

How I Met Your Mother: Season One, Episode Nine

Robin: Wait, so you're not going home for thanksgiving.
Ted: No, I have to work on Friday. You?
Robin: I'm Canadian, remember? We celebrate thanksgiving in October.
Ted: Oh right I forgot you guys are WEIRD, you pronounce the word out "out."
Robin: You guys are the worlds leader in hand gun violence, your health care system is bankrupt and your country is deeply divided on almost every important issue.
Ted: ...Your cops are called Mounties.

Zeus, God and Kat

Zeus once said, "a woman with a proper fitting bra becomes a most beautiful creature."

God replied, "Even a short heel lengthens ones calves and makes what was once a short woman become a fabulous amazon."

Kat broke between them and said, "Gods, please! These are all tools that help us achieve the fashion holy trinity! Posture! Fit! Proportion! Let us marry our tools and our aims so that we may achieve a brighter likeness in our outfits!"

And so Zeus, God, and Kat donned their supportive underwear and low-to-high heels before clothing themselves in garments worthy only of those completing the fashion holy trinity so that they may dance in all their potential fabulousness.

"To Posture! Fit! and Proportion!"

1986

I'm finally going through the, (so far) two boxes and crate of pictures and experiencing a whole pile of emotions.

There are at least 150 prints from 1986. My brother at two years old was a dark, squirmy kid. He had a yellow fleece sleeping onsie and a red snowsuit. My lolo used to pull him around on a kid-sized sled while Eric would "help" with his lil yellow shovel. 1986 was also the year my Lolo, Lola, and Tito Joe immigrated to Canada. Lola has a tiny waist, big hair and bigger glasses, but still looks just as beautiful as she does in her wedding photos. Tito Joe is tall and handsome, tall with all arms and legs. He makes the same funny faces he does for the kids now! Lolo looks the same too, always with his grandkids. (Although now it's great-grandkids!)

Of course there was big hair, big glasses, and humongous shoulder pads. My god the shoulder pads!

My cousins look like their kids. John is sitting in Tita Bebang's lap with this huge smile on his face ripping up wrapping paper on his Christmas gift. Marie has big hair and is taking good care of Eric. (Look at the Christmas pictures from this year- my hair has it's own gravitational force and I'm with the kiddies too!)

There are these people in the pictures that I don't recognize. They're holding Eric or posing in front of the tree and I have no idea who are are. Have they changed so much I can't recognize them? Or have they simply fallen out of Eric's life?

You know what the weirdest thing about this pile of photos is? Lolo Luis. He's sitting on a chair, he's playing with Eric, he's watching the cousins squabble, he's posing in front of the tree just like we still do. Makes me wonder about him, you know, if he was as cool as Lolo is. What tendancies he had, the cadances of his speech, if he piled food on his grandchildrens plates too!

Alright, next roll!

I started at a young age...

This is me at Age 2. I guess I have always loved vacuuming.

Night Out Polyvore

Night Out by AerianaEve featuring Joe's Jeans fashion