I don't usually wash, check, or count away my obsessions. The exceptions would be washing after being on a damp bus, and counting house numbers. (The goal is to count faster than you see the houses, so 1-3-5-7-9-11-13-15-17-19-21... as fast as you can- but only fast enough to stay one house ahead.) I usually spell them away. R-e-d c-a-r-s c-o-s-t m-o-r-e i-n-s-u-r-a-n-c-e i-c-e c-r-e-a-m p-o-p-s-i-c-l-e-s p-u-r-c-h-a-s-e...
There are some thoughts that just won't go away.
What do I do with them? How do I make them stop when everything is parallel and perfectly spelled and they won't cease fire. They're bad, bad things to think.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Sunday, August 10, 2008
speed poetry
how can i resist/ the hope you offer me/ barest of wishes/ slightest of touch/ i place my life in it's hands/ so precarious.
you speak/ i hear not a sound/ i see nothing/ feathers from the sky/ am i/ sirens/ your voice/ bring me back/ i don't want to be/ grounded
i sing/ lullabies and secret cries/ for angels to listen/ but never hear
denied three times/ shadows at my door/ fear, loathing, other/ by the time the cock crows/ thrice
candy cane pants/ memories i haven't lost
It's been a long time (read: years) since I even tried to write anything remotely poetic, mostly it's just an endless stream of thoughts, but I like this. The essentials. Just what I thought of in the two minutes between 12:40am and 12:42am. Good night/morning.
you speak/ i hear not a sound/ i see nothing/ feathers from the sky/ am i/ sirens/ your voice/ bring me back/ i don't want to be/ grounded
i sing/ lullabies and secret cries/ for angels to listen/ but never hear
denied three times/ shadows at my door/ fear, loathing, other/ by the time the cock crows/ thrice
candy cane pants/ memories i haven't lost
It's been a long time (read: years) since I even tried to write anything remotely poetic, mostly it's just an endless stream of thoughts, but I like this. The essentials. Just what I thought of in the two minutes between 12:40am and 12:42am. Good night/morning.
Saturday, August 9, 2008
I'm scared of Triangle Program
In three weeks, I'll be starting at a new school an hour away from my house. I'm so terrified! Christine asked me if I had any leftover unit guides, and of course I did, and of course I caught glimpses of them.
I still cringe when I look at ENG3U units.
What if Triangle is the same as Ward? What if it's the same units? The kind of work I could stare at for hours, months, and get absolutely nowhere with. Please don't make me do English, I hate English. I read, write, and speak English perfectly! I have an extensive vocabulary and can write well, please let me off the hook! I can't stand anymore English, God, even the teachers are bored with it!
What if I'm not queer enough? I'm not a vegetarian, I'm not anywhere close to vegan, I don't eat organic or even healthy. 70% of my lunches during Day Hospital were pizza. I don't believe in all-natural healing, I take three pills a day! I don't fit stereotypes or labels! I am comfortable with sex but not with having it! I am sex-positive for other people but not myself!
Why are all the staff there male? What if I start to trust people there? What if I can't, not even a little bit and everyone thinks I'm cold? I can't take the TTC there, I hate the TTC when it's damp! It's ALWAYS damp in the winter! I need dry warmth! Like Speedy, who by the way is a girl!
What if I zoom down again and everything is dark and I can't stand going?
AND YOU! SHUTTUP! I'M TOO TIRED FOR CBT!!!
I still cringe when I look at ENG3U units.
What if Triangle is the same as Ward? What if it's the same units? The kind of work I could stare at for hours, months, and get absolutely nowhere with. Please don't make me do English, I hate English. I read, write, and speak English perfectly! I have an extensive vocabulary and can write well, please let me off the hook! I can't stand anymore English, God, even the teachers are bored with it!
What if I'm not queer enough? I'm not a vegetarian, I'm not anywhere close to vegan, I don't eat organic or even healthy. 70% of my lunches during Day Hospital were pizza. I don't believe in all-natural healing, I take three pills a day! I don't fit stereotypes or labels! I am comfortable with sex but not with having it! I am sex-positive for other people but not myself!
Why are all the staff there male? What if I start to trust people there? What if I can't, not even a little bit and everyone thinks I'm cold? I can't take the TTC there, I hate the TTC when it's damp! It's ALWAYS damp in the winter! I need dry warmth! Like Speedy, who by the way is a girl!
What if I zoom down again and everything is dark and I can't stand going?
AND YOU! SHUTTUP! I'M TOO TIRED FOR CBT!!!
