Kat's Favourite Quotes from Elvira Kurt - Big Girl Now

Watch it here! You gotta see her facial expressions, they're hilarious. Her eyes are ginormous.

"I've been living in LA for a year now, but I love coming back to Canada. I guess it's just as the old saying goes, 'Home is where the health care is.'"
"Things are advancing needlessly. Why, for example, does Tampax have a website?!"
"We're raising a generation of namby-pambies! Those are two great words right there."
"Let the little one-eyed bastards play!"
(Referring to those spinning wheels of doom at the playground) "Now it's just a stump left with grass growing all over it where you can take your little overprotected snot-nosed kid of today and say 'yea, that's where we lost grandpa.'"
"But you can't go up to the baby....you can't shove your big finger up in their face and go, 'SHUT UP. SHUT UP YOU LITTLE BASTARD MY EARS HURT TOO' because suddenly Nooo! You're the one with the problem!"
"I just crapped my pants."
"Wouldn't it be great if relationship could just end mutually the way it began, you just wake up one morning and go, 'Wow, I am so over you.' 'Yea, me too! Fortunately we've labelled all our things and put them in seperate rooms!'"
"I say, if you find someone that you're really compatible with, someone you really see as a soulmate, someone you see yourself staying with from now to eternity, I say, why ruin that relationship by staying together? Why not have every relationship only last those few honeymoon months!"
"We come back three months from now someone stands up and yells 'ROTATE!'"
"Oh darlin' is there somethin' stuck in my ass?"
"Come 'ere, who's my little shoehorn?! Come hug your toiletduck, who loves you!"
"How you found this, as I have, that we know more about Americans than they know about...anything?"
"Although, I would like to take this time and talk to you about Jesus if I could. [...] How frightening would that be?"
"I always come in with a Winona Ryder hope and dream and I always come out with a David Schwimmer reality."
"Yes my secrets out! I love pantsuits! Damn you your narrow minded ways!"
"So that's what a lesbian looks like. How come I couldn't tell? Perhaps I'll just sketch her for future reference."
"Right now my parents are at that perfect height where you just want to put carrying case handles on their head. It would be so much easier that way...Get in the car. Stop arguing, YES, I'll take you to a buffet, shut up!"
"'HEY LADIES!' - that's how I'd say it - 'HEY LADIES!' - that's the kind of comic I was - 'HEY LADIES, DONCHA HATE IT WHEN YOUR MAN HAS A PENIS!' Oh shit."
"I'm not a hundred percent butch, but I do have my butch qualities. [laughter] I do, I don't know why people laugh there!"
"I fall into this nebulous grey area in the middle that I like to call, Fellagirly! You know the attitude, 'I'll get it! Hold my pumps.'"
"Excuse me I see naked people up there, is this Caribana?"
"Can you see my mom at a PFLAG meeting? 'Hi my name is Irene I wish I was dead.'"
"She wouldn't be any help on the crisis line- 'Give up it's only gonna get worse!'"
"I can just imagine her seeing people at the supermarket. 'My daughter? No. No. What she doing? Oh. My daughter- is a comedian. And a lesbian. Both at the same time. Is a dream come true.'"
"I just remember being very, very angry. I ran home at lunchtime, pushed the front door open and went, 'WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON OUT THERE? Who are you people? What the hell am I wearing?!"

These Things I Remember

There's a lot going on right now that I'm not ready to talk about, school being one of them. But there's also a lot I need to get out.

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This is the second time I'll have filled out a test for PTSD. (Post-traumatic stress disorder.) I understand that I seem to fit the bill in all ways except one- I haven't had a "stressful experience". I've said it before, so why am I still getting this sheet? What does, "I haven't formulated it yet" mean? It's starting to freak me out.

I keep remembering right before my appointment this Thursday, PTSW sat down next to me and I was all paranoid that he was going to assess me right there, and I obviously had one of my notebooks and a pen out and I wanted to write about how awkward that would be when Dr. Ramshaw showed up and they talked about meds and stuff. Then Dr. Ramshaw went, "She's taking notes," and PTSW said, "She's always taking notes" and they laughed. And there is nothing significant about that but it's stuck in my head.

Wow uh, I guess there's WAY more I don't feel like talking about.

Blast from the Past: Patient/Doc Talk 1

After reviewing some of the documents I've got hiding on my laptop, I've decided to post them for you. Comments are EXPECTED! (and most appreciated)

To Conclude Our Introduction…

In the unprecedented event of the year, a crack team of psych patients/ intelligentsia/ queer folk came together to make a series of statements regarding the state of adolescent affective disorder mental health care in the East end of Toronto. Here are the results of that collaboration.

1. EYEDROPS ARE RECCOMMENDED FOR PSYCHIATRISTS.
In a test conducted by the team, 5/5 psychiatrists demonstrated a "strategy" in which a question of considerable difficulty finding an answer to is asked. Upon asking, the psychiatrist tilts their head and stares at the already confused patient who is trying to find an answer; answering honestly, the patient may say "I don't know." In response, the psychiatrist simply stares longer with a small smile upon their face. A few minutes later, the same question is asked, prompting the same cycle, until the patient ultimately lies in order to get out of the loop.
NOTE: This, “extreme stare contest” results in anxiety for the patient and negates the answer completely.

2. SOCIAL GROUP RECCOMMENDED FOR PSYCHIATRISTS.
Most people are able to read body language and non-verbal messages well. However, psychiatrists exhibit a serious deficiency in deciphering anything other than clear, verbal messages. The team strongly recommends that psychiatrists refer themselves to a program that teaches basic social skills. If this is impossible, we ask that doctors practice receiving messages. They may receive feedback directly from the patient. (i.e. “Do you mean, you’re really hungry?” The patient will either confirm or redirect this interpretation.) Whatever the patient may be saying, the psychiatrist must be able to accept their answer and work from there.

3. PATIENTS ARE NOT AS SUGGESTIBLE AS THEY SEEM.
Yes, it’s true. Symptoms do not always develop as a result of the patient reading about them. Patients may read about a symptom they have that they didn’t know was pathological and may start presenting with said symptom because they now know that it isn’t normal. It is also possible that a patient may beat the doctor to a diagnosis!
NOTE: Failure to recognize alternative reasons may result in patients not disclosing these symptoms to their workers because they feel they are talking about their problems and not getting any help for it.

4. PSYCH PATIENTS ARE PROBABLY ALSO MEDICAL PATIENTS.
When a known psych patient presents with medical problems, they should see a medical doctor who can asses the patient as a whole rather than as a brain. You’d think this would be a given, but apparently not. Look, I’d rather barf in an emesis basin than on your shoes but if you’re going to be stubborn; I’ll throw up wherever I can.

5. ALL WORKERS MUST LEARN PSY TIME.
Psy Time is an important skill to have. It is a fairly simple concept- the issues a patient faces do not go away between appointments. Although an issue may seem easy to bear with until the next appointment, the patient may not see it the same way. Appropriate action should be taken in perspective of how the patient may be affected throughout the time until a follow-up appointment.
The team recommends that all workers be mandated to learn Psy Time.

6. MEDICATIONS ARE NOT MAGIC/ PATIENTS ARE NOT GUINEA PIGS UNLESS THEY ARE.
The team hopes that all workers are able to differentiate between guinea pigs and people. The guinea pig or Cavia porcellus are usually palm-sized and covered in fur, whereas humans are… not. Refer to size and furriness when unable to decide species.
Although a medication is indicated for treating disorder A, not every patient will respond to it. If the patient has given the medication a fair run and does not feel it is working, don’t stick around. The side effects are not worth it for a med that doesn’t work. Speaking of side effects, a patient who complains of something not listed on the drug monograph should be taken seriously. These medications are so new that it’s hardly worth their trust to argue for a pill. Either way, the patient doesn’t care if something is on the monograph or not, it’s still happening to them. Listen carefully and make changes where needed.