If I were President of the United States next year and chose to continue the Yerro family tradition of hosting Christmas, the Secret Service might go insane.
[daydream sequence: start]
60+ people arrive, piled into minivans, unloading gigantic bags and bags of presents, each of which needs to be searched.
17+ nieces and nephews screaming in the halls about monsters and robots and Spiderman. I'd instruct some of the Secret Service to play along, so occasionally you'd see a herd of black suited men sprinting around the corner yelling, "CARLO'S IT-ELLA TAGGED HIM-HE'S COMING-RUN FOR YOUR LIIIIIVES!!!"
President Kat screaming "COUSINS PICTURE! COUSINS! COUUUUSINNNNS!!! PICTURE!"
First Brother Eric is caught hiding a suspicious package in the West Wing- once the Geiger counter registers no radiation the bomb squad determines that it a large container of Tita Belen`s lumpia. Which they confiscate for "national safety" reasons. Lumpia crumbs are later found in my presidential bedroom.
There are no news outlets to note that although the family says grace before meals, I do not participate. (Although if they did report that, no one would give a shit. This is my daydream!) The family lines up to fill their plates with Biaoco lumpia, Villa salmon, Yerro turkey, Jardin ham, Perada chicken adobo, and sooo much more. President Kat Heart-Attack Potatoes!
The family gradually settles down to eat at ACTUAL TABLES and chairs, with room for everyone to sit! Big Bunny, Regular Bunny, Rachel, Elephant and Pobby all have their own chairs as well. I am pulled away only once, to take a call from Isreal/Palestine. They just wanted to wish the family a Merry Christmas, because my secretary of peace-type-stuff Pauline achieved world peace. I cured all serious disease, hunger, thirst, poverty, debt and saved the environment. And I invented some awesome craft stuff. Also I'm a fully qualified doctor.
Dani toddles around pushing Ava's vacuum toy while gnawing peacefully on a lumpia, which she picked off Mitch's plate when he wasn't looking. Leanne and Riley are currently in the safest room in the world, but neither of their fathers let them out of their sight. Mom disappears, but returns huffy and red after the kitchen staff insisted they could refill the punch bowl themselves and wrested the bottle of ginger ale from her.
After dinner, Lawr puts on a Santa hat with a tiny self-cooling system and begins distributing presents. Each kid has their own spot on the floor to rip open their gifts. The cousins relax, all the gifts have already been accounted for by my seventh secretary. No need to keep track of what came from whom! Valerie receives a silk kimono as thanks from the Korean government for the groundbreaking work she did teaching there over the summer. Christine gets a barrel of quinoa from the sports medicine team for the Olympics, with whom she works. John has to run back downstairs to retrieve a present from his office in the Health Promotion department.
Just as Nayah pulls the recycled wrapping paper off the 50-pack of awesome books I got her, Lolo comes in from the side door, blowing snow into the room. He leans on his cane and whispers, (read: shouts) "I fixed the door in the Oval Office, but I only had blue paint so I used that." His Secret Service agent restrains himself from rolling his eyes and shakes snow out of his scarf. Lola does not restrain herself and I hear her go, "humph!" beside me.
Mrs. Landingham bounces Danica on her knee, while I am occupied teaching Nathan how to properly mount a slide for his new microscope. Christine, Jessi, Ella and Ava are sprawled out on the floor with craft supplies scattered around them. All in all, a very good White House Christmas.
0 comments:
Post a Comment