Retro: October 23rd, 2007

I found this one while going through my First Aid box.

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Dear Journal,
I could cry. It was a really great retreat until now. We're having mass now and I'm sitting at the back. The other teachers kind of just stared and moved on, but Ireland challenged me. I know I go to a Catholic school and as such I'm expected to participate in masses in liturgies. I was fine in explaining that I don't do Catholic mass, that I'm United*, but past that is private and personal. Please do not violate my limits.

She wanted to know why I couldn't just listen. And I sold my reasons are personal. Now I know, even considering that I had ZERO training at Griffin that you stop there. It is difficult enough to verbalize your need for the other person to stop.

Then she said, "you're just listening, I don't see how that can be offensive." Arms crossed, effectively stopping communication, while at the same time daring me to argue back. I just shook my head. I know enough not to argue. We are both passionate about our positions. She shook her head and walked away.

I don't want to always justify my beliefs, my faith. Mom always bothers me about it. Fighting.

Why can't I worship in my own way? The fact that the Church feels it can take away the most sacred sacrament is folly to me. Mass, to me is a guilt trip, a "privilage" that the Church uses as a weapon. That's not faith, that's blackmail. Other people may find solace in the mass. I don't. I feel the beaurocratic element of the Church leaves "unwhole" people out. Women, non-Catholics, people will mental illness, queers, and for a time, people of colour and the uneducated.

There are my beliefs. (Peace of Christ!)

Til Then,
Kat

*I identified as part of the United Church of Canada at that point.

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HAHAHA I ESCAPED YOU, YOU GODDAMN FUCKING ASSHOLES!!! I'm going to look for some more stuff.