the real thing

I figured I might as well give you guys, (yea I know no one actually reads this...shattup!) a real update. Kinda.

To explain my second last post:

Monday- I ate something and I got anaphylaxis. (Guess how long it took to learn how to pronounce that.) Sooo I ended up at Scarborough Grace in a hospital gown. They really should just call them fabric-squares, because those things don't cover at ALL. I got new epipens though...
Tuesday- Whooo!! Passed out fourth period in the computer lab. "Are you dizzy?" (nods) *Why am I on the floor?* It's a conundrum I'm still trying to work out. When I woke up, why was I three meters away from where I last remembered being?
Wednesday- I became single again!
Thursday- Went to the doctor.

To explain the updates:
I'd been using "Slide" to shunt those pictures across the top of the page, but Shutterbook/Parazz created a slider of their own. I have nearly 400 pictures on my Shutterbook, compared to the 46 on Slide so I transferred it.
I also added several links- to my second Shutterbook account, and to my homepage. sp.eak is the title of the website, and it's pretty! But only because I used a template. Please refrain from exploring safe.ty, and go right into bre.athe if you must.

To explain myself:
Big Bunny and I are moving to Austria tomorrow, so expect a delay in new posts. I'm joking, but expect a delay in new posts. I've got a million units to do in what is it, seven weeks? Praise be if I don't fail any of my courses, but I don't know who to praise. By the way...I, Ms-RCM-Drop-Out needs help deciphering some music...(*coughKIRK) Liebesträume- which confuses me past the first page. I'm trying to figure it out for my lola. =)

I'd say back to the books but I'm tired, and I wrote a quarter of my french thing on the bus, so I'm going to indulge in some- crap I forgot what I was gonna eat. Wait! Milk. That was it. Eat/Drink whatever.

By the way...
Look what I found! It's sooo creepy...
http://random.dragonslife.org/mary-ward-catholic-secondary-school/356
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Ward_Catholic_Secondary_School
And so well organized. CREEPY!!!

To: Marjolein

Re: The Survey (That you stole from Kat who stole it from Kirk who stole it from Mel)

Basics#9- I wish I was your height. 5'6 seems perfect. Just six more inches to go...
Lovers&Friends#1- I consider you one of my best friends!
#4- Ahhh, thieving can be so much fun ;)

Specifics#5- If I didn't live in Canada, and if I knew you in real life, I would call you. Also, if wasn't grounded right now.
#8- Why change? To me, you are amazing right now.
Favourites#1- YAYYYYYY PINK!
#2- All praise chocolate!
#6- You should meet my friend Michelle S- she loves monkey's also!
#7- I'm all for sports requiring hitting something very hard.
ATM.Colour of Toenails- Mine are sparkly, but I try not to look at them too. Weird, huh?
Last Person.You IM'ed- At least we still have GEE!mail.
You kissed- Big Bunny is a person just like Marlene! And also my last person.
You are- REVERSE ALL OF YOUR ANSWERS!!!!!
Who/What Makes You Smile- Marjolein's current desktop picture makes me smile too =)

Did I see a "Fez Fan" on your Fanlisting page? YEAAAAAAAAA!!! (That 70's Show comes on during the hours before church on Saturday's...I used to watch them all.)

Did I see a "Milk Chocolate" Fanlisting? I may just join it...but I may be too lazy. Oh my Lord there are pictures...someone bring me some Dairy Milk! Please!!! (Or C1000)

I like the entire Marielaine section, by the way. The avatars, the banners, it's all awesome...

And Now, back to your regular scheduled programming. (Yooo-NITS!)


I <3 Chocolate and Marjolein.

my medical meltdown of mayhem

Oh the Alliterations.

Monday- Emergency Room
Tuesday- The Floor
Wednesday- (*blushes)
Thursday- THE ANSWERS!

And I won't tell you what they are, I'm just trying to update my blog.

Michelle's Birthday Pictures- It expires fast!! Please click now!
http://s65.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=36UI0LKA97OJQ11R3T49Z9649H

The Secret Dangers of "Laughter"

The Secret Dangers of “Laughter”

We are all prone to fits of high-pitched noises, un-regulated breathing, bursts of excessive sound waves, and sometimes, silence. These involuntary acts, (which shall hereunto be referred to as “laughter”) are much more dangerous than they seem to be.

“Laughter” masquerades as a simple physical show of amusement. In fact, “laughter” has a hidden power. “Laughter” provokes seasoned persons-of-professional-education-creation into unwonted anger. The following are some examples of how persons-of-professional-education-creation can react.

1. “I wouldn’t have come in here, but I heard you “laughing”. Now get out.”
2. “You’ve been “laughing” the entire period. I never want to see you in my lab again.”
3. “What is there to “laugh” about, ladies?”
4. “I want you out of my sight right now. This is an individual work area , not some kind of “laughing” place.”
5. “If I see you “laughing” again you’re outta here.”

It all seems quite harmless, but it’s really a lot more painful. Expulsion from a resource area during a No Movement time can spell disaster- if you run into The Admin. The Admin are much more sensitive to “laughter” and can react as such.
1. “You’re being disruptive. That’s a detention for you.”
2. “If you think you can get again with “laughing” think again, buster.”
3. “I’ll have your student card. “Laughing”, in my school!”

Of course, we must all have realized the biggest danger of these calls are their habit towards odd nicknames.

YAY hot water! I’m going to stop pretending I’m working, and go take a shower. Where I can not work, for real!

BTW, check out the vid by v3k productions at YouTube.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p80rM1wCduM

flying on angel wings

Yea, the songs from the show are stuck in practically everyone's head, but there's one line that keeps on repeating...a) I love you, A bushel and a peck b) pokemon! gotta catch 'em all (make-up room extemporaneous-ness) c) I could honestly die.

I don't know what to do...I've buried myself under these horrible circumstances and there's no getting out of it. No matter how hard I try I always end up screwing up and although I'm not always giving 100%, I'm not doing this stuff on purpose! I could choke here, I could dive, I could sink lower than ever but why should I keep on digging a hole when I could fly up?

Your words are my angel wings, you keep me hovering here, but at some point I'm going to take your wings and fly out somewhere I can be, be without turning onto myself and cold. Somewhere I'll be free. Where I don't have to keep on running away, trying to compress this all then escaping what I've brought closer to myself.

Your angel wings will be my salvation.

six shows, five days.

Yes, I'm pretty much just a lowly extra in MW's production of Guys and Dolls this year, (again) but I'm still exhausted. I can't imagine how tired the leads are.

So a lot of people agree that the "behind-the-scenes" part of Guys and Dolls wasn't as much fun as The Three Muskateers, and that we're not as well prepared this year. Onstage however, it's a lot more colourful and busy. Granted, it's a musical. The best part is backstage, right before every show.

With everyone's hands held in a circle, we say a short prayer, then gather in the middle for "ROLL 'EM!!!" and that moment is just so great...you feel like you belong then.

Back to sleep then...I'm dead to the world for the entire week! I'm busy right until Sunday night.

an'dieu?

Most of you know my stance on asking people, "How are you?" I know it's an easy question to ask and one that is said out of courtesy or lack of better things to say in all it's forms. The question is simple, the answer can be much more complicated.

How am I? I'm fine.

No, really I mean. How are you?

It's a personal question, don't you think? Your state can be very complex, and due to a lot of complicated reasons that all seem a bit overwhelming just to keep in your head, not to mention putting them into words. And then having the courage to speak them. It takes a certain amount of trust to let them see you vulnerable.

But then, we've learned that there's one person we can tell everything. One we can be naked with. Or perhaps...one Person. The idea that someone out there knows absolutely everything that goes on in my head is off-putting rather than comforting. I'd like to keep my thoughts inside my mind, private for myself so that later on I can sort them out because obviously you're not doing ANYTHING to help me out here and I'm just drowning with all of the SHIT i see ALL THE TIME that I just can't figure out enough to get myself the fuck outta here and the problems I've created without having the foresight to see them coming, or knowing the consequences but choosing to ignore them which although it's very general can be the stupidest decision I've ever made. Granted, any decision where you see the mauvaise outcome and ignore it will probably end up in deep shit. Why haven't you been listening? Everyone tells me I'm supposed to just keep going until you can hear me and I can see that you hear me and I have to have FAITH but I've been waiting for three fucking LONG YEARS AND ALL THE FUCK YOU'VE SENT ME IS LESS FORESIGHT AND THIS FREAKISH HEAD I'VE GOT. My problems are inside my head, and if I can create them I should be able to make them go away.

Not true.

Whatever I've tried to do to convince myself that I believe in you and that I'm not this way and that things will change have been contradicted on many levels. And I think...I think I should let go of you. Or You.

holy adhesive

I can only learn from other people's and my own's educated guesses, some of which are better than others. Therefore, no one has KNOWledge, but simply speculations gathered from strict observation of pattern.

Church is a good place to be at but I'm missing the key. FAITH! It binds them and because I was struggling to regain it, I to them.

There's a lot in my head, but I'd rather not put it down here.

the naked struggle

We all attempt to cover ourselves, however crudely that may be. There are few of us willing to go out naked. It may not be necessary. We can't reveal it all to whoever walks by. But at a certain point, we've all got to disrobe, to let it all go.

We're vulnerable. And you can create all the armour you want but even if no one else can see the damage it's there, and you know it. Life pierces right through this cover-up and in the end, we're left there, bare. The struggle is over, for that moment, if you'll let it be.

I try my best not to set myself up for those little wounds that fly out of other people, but you can't anticipate it all. It's part of this, this playing out every scene just to see if we can head off any problems before it happens. It's important, yea, to look ahead to the consequences but can't we relax for a bit?

This is where I am with you. I can be naked, with you. But other times...it's not that kind of trust.

And I want you to know, [/] and segWAY and x4 that I can't save you. I can't pull you up from where-ever you are, not when I'm right beside you. But I can try. We can work it all out so that even through this, at least we'll not be singular. Solitary. Insignificant.

I don't have the answers! I don't think anyone does- even him. Or it. Or them. Or that. Things get so complicated so quickly and I don't know what's sure of anything, or if anything is.

The thing is, I'm afraid I've already lost you. Somewhere in here, you've slipped away.

what a shame

James Blunt- You're Beautiful.

Check the links on the navigation bar.

because you're never there

I love these Little Miss books.

No. Ohkay, I realize that I must be one of the most moody people on earth, but anyways...

I want to talk to you without you shifting in your chair and changing the subject.
I want to feel happy when I'm out with other people.
I want to be able to understand what you're saying.
I want to be alright with the way things are.
I want to not have to make excuses for doing what I do.
Am I just being...

?

Give Me Back My Tree.

This, is cold fury. Where are the branches I so loved to caress? The branches nearly all my friends have hesitated to put weight on? MY TREE IS DEFACED! Yes, it belongs to the City but I loved it like my own. GIVE ME BACK MY CHILDHOOD MEMORIES.

P.S. I just completed my first embroidery project! Follow the link to my Parazz and click Afterschool Escapades. http://www.parazz.com/albums/katyerro

goFIVE gettogether!

Isn't he georgous? Kraft Dinner, the newest model in a group of young protege models shows off the Fall 2006 go12 Ready-To-Wear Couture collection. Sporting "The Sick Hat" tied fashionably with a purple scarf, he looks ready to take on the world. A sheer pink asymmetrical top layered over a checkered dress shirt, (ravishing!) layered over a long sleeved dark blue top tell us that he just can't wait to get out there. He's got a lovely pair of baggy jeans the colour of a camel, and has got a sweet bright pink a-line skirt snug under his butt cheeks. Finally, Kraft really topped off the outfit with bright green wedge sandals, and socks. Well, his sassy new look really seems to be something that could hit it off on the streets. I know I'm running out and searching for the best new under-butt skirt! You're not well dressed until you've got go12 RTW Couture.
-Aeriana Eve, Fashion Correspondant

Celebrities Come Up for Spring. Yes, it was an exciting day at Aeriana Eve's house when the supermodel Kraft Dinner showed up, along with the superb designers of Ms. Yanoanimsomething and Mrs. Celebrity Wife. These esteemed designers of go12 planned this outfit in a matter of minutes, and the photo shoot truly was an eye-opening experience. Later on the famous quartet was joined by Necro, fashionably late. After enjoying gourmet Costco bulk style pizza, they headed out to the streets, closely watched by their fans. Indeed, hundreds of recycling boxes were simply blown away at the mere sight of them. They stopped at the door of k2, not a member of go12 but a close affliation. Only people this famous could just ring the doorbell of someone this prestigious. As they connected with their childhoods and the see-saws at the park, they also stopped by several more houses, unfortunately none of their visitees were home. Surely they were off on a plane somewhere, going to meet their fans. (Right JD?)
An exciting game of Truth/Dare/DoubleDare/PromiseToRepeat/FireInTheBarnyard/
MonkeyInTheAttic/RondezvousInTheDark kept the spirit going. Such frivolities occured as- Kraft pulling out Necro's hair, a Tree/Aeriana/Animosnosomething sandwich, and a lot of intimacy with inanimate objects. The game continued as they re-entered Aeriana Eve's dwelling and sat back at their apple juice beer and super flat coke.
Indeed, it was an uneventful day for these members of go12 and their affliations but it was most enjoyable to watch, as we've heard from countless recycle bins who were witnesses to the hours. Perhaps next time we'll be joined by more than 50% of the group! But of course, it's incredibly difficult to get all these famous people together. Of course.
-Aeriana Eve, A&E Staff Reporter

chug on

Yea. The hard times are a'comin'! First weekend rehearsal- five hours of...nothing. Nothing? Nothing. Ran the show pretty fast, considering it was supposed to last an hour longer. (If someone sends me the infamous vid, i'll YouTube it!) But good times...it's an old/new feeling, one I cherish. I know I'll be glad to see the back of MW come June, (hopefully) but I also know when I walk back into that room in September I'll love the smell of drama. Let loose.

Tighten up. Yep, March Break. A.K.A., "Tell yourself you're going to work your ass off and end up spending the entire week on your ass" week. Just like Christmas holiday and Easter long weekend and that P.A. Day you swore to take advantage of. I feel sick just thinking of going to school tomorrow, (probably because I pigged out all day) just because I'd much rather be at home relaxing. Or if not relaxing, at home actually working! And I can do that, during school hours. I'll accomplish a helluva lot more sitting where I am then where I'm going to be tomorrow.

And I'm going to have to. I'm going to need to work every minute of every period until my fingers are cramped and I'm yearning for my bed at 7:30pm, and I'm going to have to keep my eyes open long enough to finish that unit a day. I know I'm not going to do that. Friday 4th and 5th periods will always be the periods I'll try my hardest to work and fail. The half hour before lunch when I'm anticipating that meal will be useless. And I'm probably going to end up hallwalking and talking a bit more as well, but I swear to God I'll finish my courses. If I don't...there is no if I don't. But it's highly unlikely.

This brings grief into my heart and desperation closer than ever. I'm afraid of a calendar, I really am.

I end with a warning- if you're msging me and I'm not answering, or I'm simply not there it's because of one of the four most important things in my life. Working, sleeping, eating, and writing.

Dedicated to Marielaine, GO12, v3, TA36, and k2.

the joy of extended ta

I'm nerrdly, I know. Chock full of TA love and irony, and words like ENIGMA. *cough*COUGH.* (mumbles...) But there's something magical in TA36, especially during extended. Have I said this already? Does it matter? Having a crappy TA can mean a hellish high school for you, and I lucked out this time. Would things be different if I had...Zidar? Kopach? Small? Oh God yes. I'd be dead, that's how different it'd be. Anyways, things are moving along...unfortunately, I'm behind. By like, 20 units. But I'm doing a unit a day, with no break day so hopefully I finish early. Fat chance. I didn't work for like, six months. Back to my essays...I love being self-directed just because I can stay home when I want to. Otherwise, I hate it.

Here are some things I love about our TA...

The music.

The food.

The smart people!! Joking, joking.

I love you guys, I really do.

i <3 summer

This is OUTSIDE. Except covered in a layer of ice. Make it go away....
I just wanted to put that picture in because it's pretty and I took it. :P Also it's raining in WINTER...what is WITH that?? Suddenly it's raining. Let's pretend it's a fall picture.
What does that say to you? Hmm? WHAT DOES IT SAY?? It says good ol' summer nerdly fun.
This morning I woke up and my room was all sunny, (i love my wall colour) and it seemed so warm....no snow on my neighbours roof, and I though for a single happy moment, "YES! It's summer! It's Sunday! I can BREATHE!!!" and then I get out of bed and I'm frozen.

carry me

My burden I know it's heavy to hold.
Bodily weight flies high over our heads while
Heart ties pulling at the place I tied myself tight to you
I can't hold myself up without you
Don't let me go here
I can't fall all alone.
I know I'm being selfish,
To hold you back from what you think is right
To make it less real.
But you see you can't leave me here
I don't see how I can move on from this
My heart got buried with yours
It all sounds so wrong but I guess this is the only way to go
I can't make you stop
I can't make you stay
But just smile for me and tell me you'll try
And if days go by
Things don't seem to change,
I'll go down with you
Just don't make me leave it here

angel wings

All the people rushing by, by, by
looking for meaning in this life
so used up, and blinded by lies,
They're underneath the blue, blue sky
the way they seldom seem to smile
I don't know why.

'Cause I've been away too long
and everyday I missed you more.
You look like you did before,
only prettier.
Everyday I love you more.
I love you more,
and more.

Special Dedication to Marielaine...

Something about your friendship makes me at peace with myself.

I lie awake on a long, dark night
I can't seem to tame my mind
Slings and arrows are killing me inside
Maybe I can't accept the life that's mine
No I can't accept the life that's mine

Simple living is my desperate cry
Been trading "love" with indifference yeah it suits me just fine
I try to hold on but I'm calloused to the bone
Maybe that's why I feel alone
Maybe that's why I feel alone

Special Dedication to Shortman...

You help me breathe, when I wish I didn't have to.

There is no other one who can take your place
I feel happy inside when I see your face
I hope you believe me
Cause I speak sincerely and I mean it when I tell you that I need you
You're my best friend
and I love you, and I love you
Yes I do

Special Dedication to v3k, GO12, v4k2...

Because sometimes we're lame like that. And because I mean it.


You're my angel wings, you help me fly. You pick me up when I fall, sometimes
you know when I need to crawl just to move on. And when I'm around you,
I soar.

crayon warfare and further plans towards such

BANG! "We just bombed you right- here." A bright red x showed up on the guys side.
"Not even! We bomb you the-"
"You can't do that! That's inside the protective dome!"
"Then it goes through the door."
"Is this a MAGIC bomb?"
"No."
"Then it can't get through the magical door. Besides, we have God on our sides." A finger tapped a cross drawn haphazardly on the craft paper.
"Hey! You can't call God!"
"Pshh."

Is this recess at your local elementary school? No. Is this the screwed up dream of a lifetime sociopath? No. Is this Bush re-telling his discussion about how the wars been going? Probably. But really, it's v4k2- or more specifically vk vs. vk declaring war before five dinners arrived for seven people. (Sharing is economical.) The next day this discussion continued...

[*starSHINE].mW 1347: what soul? [ne.F]v4k2.36 says:
val, vvn and i are creating a restaurant
[*starSHINE].mW 1347: what soul? [ne.F]v4k2.36 says:
the first thing on the menu will be potato porcupine, followed by number 2, 4, and 13 pho, and then bento boxes, and then "hamburgers, to be shared" and then large ice cream scoops

It evolved still more...

~~AzN~~RiCe~~BoY~~ Full Of PIZZA!!! says:
were going to have this war at jackastors grr.
~~AzN~~RiCe~~BoY~~ Full Of PIZZA!!! says:
not at ur resturant

Yes, war. It's very real, and very painful, but within the confines of this odd blog, it's wax on craft paper and some very angry people. Bring it on guys. We have a magical dome.

myyyy honey

Ohkay so he's not actually mine. But he's awesome... welcome RJ!!!