Dreaming of Everything

1.
I dream about food. For a month after I stopped eating chips I dreamt vividly of every flavour I ever liked. When I sleep I dream that I'm eating ice cream and ice cream cakes with the crumblies, drinking Five Alive tropical concentrate and Fanta red tangerine, snacking on cookie dough and chips, the entire Cadbury chocolate factory... And then I wake up and stick some shit in the microwave and try to get back into the habit of eating one meal a day. I dunno when I lost that...

2.
I dream of my shortcomings. Lately there have been fewer of these, but I used to dream of getting my diploma and waking up and thinking that it's finally happened, but alas no. In my dreams I count credits.

3.
I dream about people. People who believe in me, whom I am scared of disappointing. People who don't and whom I'm scared of getting into conversations with. People who don't who just piss me off. People who make assumptions. People who know things. People who hurt.

4.
I dream of fear. I dream about things happening that never did, but I mix them up with real life anyways. I dream of hiding and running and poisoning and being trapped and boats and airplanes. I dream dreams that somehow have changed me forever.

I'm sitting here writing while I sip at my red tangerine Fanta and it feels strangely rebellious.