After Hallux Valgus Surgery I (warning: slightly gross pictures)

No x-rays yet, those are in my chart at Scarborough Grace. Kind of, they're on the Grace intranet thingy. Anyway, you can see how straight my feet are now! My big toes have to be pulled out so that the bones don't fall back into their old positions, but that space between them will even out once I'm 100% recovered.

My left foot is still much worse than my right, so the big toe refuses to be pulled enough. (warning: somewhat graphic descriptions) Unlike the right foot, that long incision along the side has little flaps in it, which healed kind of ugly. They put steri-strips on them because the edges weren't stitched together properly. It's still swollen, so they wrapped it extra tight which means it hurts extra much, in addition to pulling on the toe.

Stay tuned!

The Path to Medicine Is Winding and Steep

...and I do not know if I can wend my way down a path so deep.

Readers, you know me. You know that ever since Mrs. Genova got metal filing to move around with magnets I've been obsessed with science. When in grade five Mr. DeKort handed out sheets with pictures of skeletons on them I couldn't get enough of health. That year I memorized every single bone on those sheets. The next year, I did a science project on cells. That's right, a whole project just on cells and how cells work. I thought it was mesmerizing. I could have stood up there and talked about cells for hours, "this is the mitochondria it processes and creates energy and it-" on and on... I really didn't understand why people weren't excited about it! Gosh, I was such a nerd...

From the moment I memorized that skeleton I knew I wanted to be a doctor. I'd "get into" Mary Ward CSS, (that was when I thought you had to apply for and be accepted to high schools) which would foster a strong foundation in independent learning while managing a part-time job and occasionally volunteering. I would then seek a spot at U of T in the Health Sciences: Human Biology and Disease program. I would try to continue working but would find that the coursework is too heavy, (yes, I planned on that) and would drop the part-time job. I would live in residence to experience university life. In second year I might actually end up moving back home to save money- I wasn't sure at that point. I would begin taking MCAT prep courses on the side and during third year I would write the MCAT. I would get quite nervous while doing it and void the exam. I would take it again and do well, enter medical school, struggle with all the memorization but in time become an excellent diagnostician and make some small headway in the specialization of my choice. Oh, I would also have 2 or 3 kids and get married in a medium ceremony in a park at dusk but without mosquitoes. (I had figured that by the time I met the love of my life the world would have invented a way to have outdoor night parties without bugs.)


Somewhere I got off track.

No, I'm joking, I know where I got off track. Two years before I "got into" Mary Ward CSS Centre for Self-Directed Learning I discovered that things don't always go as plan. Two years AFTER I was at Mary Ward my world finally, gratefully, stopped. I had been trying to slow it down for ages.

So it happened that when I was 15, I became a high-school drop out. Oh, don't get me wrong, I was enrolled for 3.5 more years, but I hardly attended school. I waited for death. I waited on the off-chance that I would be happy. It worked! One day I woke up and said, "g'day mate!" and emerged into my new Australia, care of Dr. Horrible. (That joke was horrible, I'm sorry.) (I'm also sorry for the pun.)

Throughout that time I was learning that my life doesn't revolve around school. There was more to me than being a student. I have had the most excellent summer. I went to the beach, shopping, rode the streetcars, cheap stuff. Free stuff, mostly. Then I applied for the pre-health science program at George Brown College.

The funny thing about pre-health science is that it does not get you into any science program at any university. You study courses like biology, chemistry, mathematics, anatomy, and physiology, but if you transfer to a university level institution you will not satisfy the requirements for a science program.

I must go to university. There is only so much a girl's family can take, I need to go to university. So I'm going to transfer from the field I love to one I might not hate- social work. Several schools offer the BSW program that can get me into advanced standing for an MSW should I not be able to get into medical school. Four years down the road I will discover that I...still need science courses.

Unfortunately I didn't get into the science programs for uni so I will have to take those separately, (and pay separately) in what is called a postbaccalaureate premed program. THEN I can take MCAT prep courses and apply for medical school.

~

I love medicine. I think it's facinating. I think it's awesome, the way a zygote turns into a full-grown human being, I think it's cool that on Monday I came in with a bit of extra bone in my feet and on Tuesday I left with less bone but stronger feet. I think washing out wounds and suturing them is like a dance, flesh and needle. I look at my xrays and I think, "look at that. Look how my bones have displaced themselves, the strange angle they're at. Look at how they're normally placed, how that all works together. If I just look at the bones in this xray and ignore the outline of flesh, it's like wearing a pair of heels all the time, there's hardly any bone holding me up! Piles of tiny tiny bones working together to keep me upright. Tendons and muscles and tissues and flesh just to make that one pinky toe work."


Out of all of my friends I am the one who knows most what I want to be doing when I'm old and grey. I don't have the certificates or the papers but I know what I love and I'd be good at it, I just need somebody who can teach me. I'm ready.

Before Hallux Valgus Surgery

I have more recent films taken from October, but my doctor needed those in the OR. She let me keep these older images from April 15th, 2008. I think they're fantastic. You can see the bone structure underneath my bunions- see how the first (big) toe is deviated so far from the rest? That's pretty awesome.

I had surgery on Monday Sept 23rd 2009. Right now my feet are wrapped up in twin casts, so seeing the outline of my soft, foot flesh is kind of making me miss them. Silly feet! I hope I get to see the after shots!

Book Quiz !

What To Do: Using only books you have read this year (2009), answer these questions. Try not to repeat a book title. It’s a lot harder than you think!

Describe yourself: The Chrysalids (John Wyndham)

How do you feel: The Dream Where The Losers Go (Beth Goobie)

Describe where you currently live: How To Be Canadian (Will Ferguson)

If you could go anywhere, where would you go? Red Audrey and the Roping (Jill Malone)

Your favorite form of transportation: Gazelle (Rikki Durnoket)

Your best friend is: Alt Ed (Catherine Atkins)

You and your friends are: See Above.

What’s the weather like: Burned (Ellen Hopkins)

You fear: The Bar Code Tattoo (Suzanne Weyn)

What is the best advice you have to give: The Hedonism Handbook (Michael Flocker)

Thought for the day: The Devil Wears Prada (Lauren Weisburger)

How I would like to die: Elsewhere (Gabrielle Zevin)

My soul’s present condition: Lost and Found (Carolyn Parkhurst)

Clean House

If you refer back to How To Survive a Messy House, Part 1 and Part 2, you'll see my house as it normally is. This is after I took advantage of my parents being on vacation to clean up. This is my room before the big clean up.

Lolo's Birthday - July 2009

Yonge-Dundas Square is Growing on Me

In the beginning I thought Yonge-Dundas Square, (hereunto called yd2 because it's cooler) was butt ugly. Here was a giant grey square of concrete plonked down in the middle of the city, surrounded by blaring billboards and obnoxiously loud advertisements.



The city continued to promote the square and I steered away from all the events. I was not interested in our wannabe Times Square. I also steered away from using the yd2 entrance to the Dundas subway station- it was surrounded by metal vents the perfect size for dropping your token, tickets or god-forbid Metropass down.

The difference between yd2 and Times Square is the meeting space. That square of concrete created a venue for concerts, films, festivals, and a multitude of other events. FREE events. In a city where it costs at least $2.50 to get on the bus FREE is always appreciated.

Plants appeared, (no trees yet) and it became- well, cool. I'd cross the street diagonally, hop across the concrete while keeping a firm hold on my Metropass, skip through the water fountains and land at the Info Booth. They could really use the Internet in there to google some answers.

This weekend I passed through the Live Green festival and thought it was pretty cool. Parts of Yonge St had been closed, but I imagine a much smaller fest could go on in The Square without shutting down the streets.

Tonight I emerged to yd2 and found all those silver chairs lined up in front of the video screen. There sat a group of people, complete strangers, watching a movie in the middle of a city. The Walk-In-Movies. That's incredible. Around them streetcar bells tolled, the scramble crossing chirped and beeped, the advertisements talked, an incredible amount of money changed hands and yet everyone was just sitting there, engrossed in this movie.

Pride brings queers and allies together during the last week of June. Community centers bring people from the neighbourhood together. Parks bring potheads, teenage lovers, and happy kids together. Harbourfront has this lovely patch of fake grass I like because I'm not fond of bumpy ground. Harbourfront hosts festivals like Luminato. But yd2 brings people from all over the city- and sometimes from all over the world to do something simple together. Watch a movie, listen to a group. You don't need an itinerary to meet new people at yd2, just drop in and see what you find.

I think it'll grow on you too.

The Best Coming Out Ever

I was sitting at the table with my cousin and niece. She was busy telling me all about who would her Prince when she finished eating and we could play Princesses. She had two choices - Justin Timberlake or Michael Jackson.

She offered me Michael Jackson to be my Prince, but I told her I wasn't really interested in either one of them. "So who's gonna be your Prince Tita Tina?"
"Uhm...Doogie Howser."
"Justin Timberlake?"
"Neil Patrick Harris."
"Michael Jackson?"
Then my cousin cut in and said, "Tita Tina is gonna have a wife."

My niece looked at me and went, "Okay. Then I get Justin Timberlake AND Michael Jackson?"

----

Thank God for my cousins and their kids. For my cousins it was like, "What?" to "Whatever." Fantastic! I mean, one of them even helped me out with which bars...

But the kids are like, "And?" That's like, total Ideal Coming Out. It's not a revelation or a change or a period of mushed up pronouns.

And I thought I couldn't love them anymore.

Kat's Tips and Household Tricks

I didn't actually write these, they're compiled from a number of sources. Anyway, they're so freaken awesome I invite you to check out the link. I've tried 75% of them and they all work, it's amazing.

Kaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat's Tips and Household Tricks!
Click the link to view and d/l the google doc!

On another note, I burned my eyelid while curling my hair. Beauty really is pain. Seriously.

Marry Me Doogie!!!

I've just finished watching all 4 seasons of Doogie Howser, M.D. (1989-1993)

If Doogie Howser wasn't fictional or 17 years older than me I would marry the guy.

• He's a dork. In season 1 he was 16 and had a pudgy face, giant hair, horrible ties and gigantic dress shirts. In season 4 he was 19 and still had horrible ties.
  I'm a dork. I spout random knowledge, am pretty awkward, and say the darnest things.
  
• He's constantly learning new things about himself. Doogie can be a jerk, but eventually he learns something new about how he and the world interact.
  Me too! I learned that I can be bossy, pretty angry, overly self-conscious, etc... but through life, (and therapy) I too figure out ways to be more harmonious with the world I live in.
  
• He writes a short journal every night, documenting changes in his perspective.
  I don't write in my diary every night, but I do write often, especially about how my thoughts evolve and change. I tend to write pages and pages then not at all.
  
• He's a doctor.
  I want to be a doctor.
• He's 6'1".
  I'm 5'1". We'd be hilarious just standing next to each other.
  
• Although he started out shy about sex, he became more confident about it. He could teach me to be more comfortable with anything beyond closed-mouth kissing.
• He moved out, then moved back home, then moved out to a place what he'd almost own when he was ready.
  I need my own place. Having this weekend to myself has only strengthened my conviction to move out as soon as it's financially feasible.
  
• He's OK with the gay! In fact, he helped Vinnie get over his misconceptions about having a gay roommate in his dorm.
  I'm one of the gays! In fact, I'm a teensy bit active about helping people get over the misconceptions about the sexuality/gender spectrum.
• He and his best friend really mean a lot to each other, and they're not afraid of that. I respect that kind of strong relationship.
• His idea of a rockin' New Year's Eve party is an intimate, formal affair with shrimp and cocktails. But when his plans went wrong he partied like an animal and loved it.
  I've been dreaming of having an intimate, formal garden party with shrimp and cocktails. But I'm also interesting in partying like a penguin. (Yea Penguathelon!!!)
  
• He owns a tuxedo.
  I love people in tuxedos.
• His loft is decorated the way I think I'd like to decorate. Light, airy, open space...less than ideal neighbours though...
• For a long time he worried about his leukemia coming back, and that kept him from enjoying life. Instead he rushed through, afraid that he wouldn't have time for it. That's one of the things he realized in the series finale. He uses his experience to gain insight towards being a better doctor and a better person.
  I worry about my depression and anxiety. I think I'm doing pretty well at having fun, while still being careful about it. I try to talk about in a way that eases people out of believing myths that contribute to stigma. I'm learning to live like your average teen instead of being scared it'll come back. It probably will, so I might as well take advantage of the good times now.
• He changes his mind about people. Like when Raymond held him and Vinnie up at the convenience store he learned more about Ray and ended up being friends with him. I like that.
• He's romantic!

I hope that's the person I'll marry. Someone with a kind, open heart, good friendships and healthy relationships, funny, some similar interests, someone who has things to teach me, someone who is willing to change his or her mind, and someone who gets the good and the bad stuff. I think we'd be happy, whoever he or she is.

Something weird is happening with the buses...

Last night I was making my way home, your average commute from the city. I emerged from the subway tunnels into a world enveloped with a deep blue sky. I smiled, drinking in the calm of the bus station. I didn't wait long before a bus came along, snagging a prime spot by the window.

Slowly people filled it until it chugged away. We hadn't travelled far when the bus stopped- and didn't start again. For a while I was oblivious, engrossed in choosing the perfect playlist on my mp3. Then the other passengers started to get restless. A few jumped off, choosing to walk instead. It was fifteen minutes before the bus started up again. We trundled slowly by, and out the window I saw two other stalled vehicles. One bus heading south, completely darkened and abandoned. Another with occupants, like mine, frozen in the left turning lane.

Night had fallen deeper when the bus turned a corner and stopped once again. The riders started calling home, telling their friends and family's that they would be late. In a few minutes the driver told us all to exit via the back doors and catch the bus on the sidestreet.

An empty bus, seemingly waiting for us sat in a small street perpendicular to our route. We piled onto it, at first hesitantly, then in a mad dash to grab the good seats. The two drivers conferred, then switched buses. Finally we were on the move again. This second change of events drew a pall over the group, a sense that something was wrong. Several blocks down the line we had to switch buses again. Was this it? Was this all some mad plan, years in the works to exact revenge on the passengers that tormented the TTC so much? Was one of these buses doomed to die?

Were we on the doomed bus?

I boarded the new bus taking care to give a quiet, "good evening" and smile to the driver before taking a seat. Here was a new set of people, most of which had never been on a stopped bus. Happily I departed after two blocks, afraid to risk staying on any longer.

Something strange was going on, and I am glad to have survived it. I can only hope I still survive after passing on my plight to you. Godspeed, my readers.

Tour Toronto

I was going to start my streetcar tours today. (Day One: 501 Queen, 508 Lakeshore.) Then I looked at the Weather Network and OF COURSE it's thunderstorming again! Today, tomorrow, Thursday. Awesome.

I know I should stick to my TTC plan because I'm not gonna be traveling the city in a giant hippo after this, and it'll be good to learn the public transit routes. But it's gonna take AGES! At least five full days. If I take a hippo I can see the entire city and the harbour in a couple hours- which means I can probably do that in between the rain.

Maybe I'll do both, a hippo and 501 Queen now, then spread the rest of the routes out over the year.

I'd leave the house, but it's 31degrees out there and it's gonna get rainy. *sigh* I'm Filipino, I'm supposed to feel cold in this weather! My cousin once emailed me and mentioned, "It's only 28 here so it's pretty cold." But I'm also Canadian, so I'd probably melt as soon as I got outside.

RJ On the Mend

RJ wakes up and the first thing he says is, "I want juice and pasta...." which he got! (Me too.)

My Fridge is Controlling Me

I was gathering fruits for a snack when the fridge started to beep at me. "You left the door open!" it said. "Nearly done," I replied. "What the fuck is wrong with you?! Do you know how much energy you're wasting by leaving my doors open!? BEEEEEP BEEEP BEEEEEEEEEP!!!!"

I chucked the rest of the fruits in there and ran.

About celebrity crushes...

I have a new celebrity crush. It's on Neil Patrick Harris, or NPH if you're a super fan or don't want to type. Which I don't sometimes. I chose this picture because it's so classic and for some reason I can't manage to pull it off in all my years of cam-whoring. Ah, the looking-away-coyly-while-laughing look!

I kind of hate getting celebrity obsessions. Every so often it just pops up and I turn into a total dork. Suddenly I'm this raving stalker sex-crazed straight girl who emits a lot of high pitched noises and pumps the air so hard her boobs bounce and it hurts.

I totally know when this is happening though! I know I'm a freaky obsessed schoolgirl, (I still have the uniform so I'm still allowed to say that!) but I just can't stop! Remember when I was all about Ellen? Or Mei Melancon for about two weeks? Or Leisha? Or...wait, that girl isn't a celebrity. Anyway, or...god forbid...Vadim Schneider? Pau, with Johnny Depp? Michelle, with that other British guy? It'll pass, it'll pass. It'll pass!

But for now, I'm totally feeding it. I like Neil Patrick Harris because
a) He does MAGIC!
b) He's totally unashamedly gay, which makes other people around feel like, "hey, that's okay." That's awesome. I'm not even that comfortable with my sexuality, I feel this need to prove it's real. That, and it's really funny when people from my area find out. Or from the Church. Heh. Heheh. Heh.
c) He has a good vocabulary.
d) He enunciates. He E-NUN-CI-ATES.
e) Although most people know him from his young role as Doogie, he's not stuck in that role.
f) He's also a STAGE ACTOR. In MUSICALS. Rent, Sweeney, his first favourite musical was Les Mis? That was my second favourite musical! Seriously though, Rent? And he's good at it for real.
g) In one episode of HIMYM he cleans Ted's apartment. For different reasons, but I love people who clean. And enunciate. <3

Now, I have to go back to watching Season 4 of How I Met Your Mother for the fifth time, before I plug in the soundtrack to Dr. Horrible then watch Sweeney for the third time today.

Oh, by the way, I was thinking about how I always get crushes on old people and I thought...maybe I'll end up dating a cougar. Roar.

Awesome HIMYM Quote!

How I Met Your Mother: Season One, Episode Nine

Robin: Wait, so you're not going home for thanksgiving.
Ted: No, I have to work on Friday. You?
Robin: I'm Canadian, remember? We celebrate thanksgiving in October.
Ted: Oh right I forgot you guys are WEIRD, you pronounce the word out "out."
Robin: You guys are the worlds leader in hand gun violence, your health care system is bankrupt and your country is deeply divided on almost every important issue.
Ted: ...Your cops are called Mounties.

Zeus, God and Kat

Zeus once said, "a woman with a proper fitting bra becomes a most beautiful creature."

God replied, "Even a short heel lengthens ones calves and makes what was once a short woman become a fabulous amazon."

Kat broke between them and said, "Gods, please! These are all tools that help us achieve the fashion holy trinity! Posture! Fit! Proportion! Let us marry our tools and our aims so that we may achieve a brighter likeness in our outfits!"

And so Zeus, God, and Kat donned their supportive underwear and low-to-high heels before clothing themselves in garments worthy only of those completing the fashion holy trinity so that they may dance in all their potential fabulousness.

"To Posture! Fit! and Proportion!"

1986

I'm finally going through the, (so far) two boxes and crate of pictures and experiencing a whole pile of emotions.

There are at least 150 prints from 1986. My brother at two years old was a dark, squirmy kid. He had a yellow fleece sleeping onsie and a red snowsuit. My lolo used to pull him around on a kid-sized sled while Eric would "help" with his lil yellow shovel. 1986 was also the year my Lolo, Lola, and Tito Joe immigrated to Canada. Lola has a tiny waist, big hair and bigger glasses, but still looks just as beautiful as she does in her wedding photos. Tito Joe is tall and handsome, tall with all arms and legs. He makes the same funny faces he does for the kids now! Lolo looks the same too, always with his grandkids. (Although now it's great-grandkids!)

Of course there was big hair, big glasses, and humongous shoulder pads. My god the shoulder pads!

My cousins look like their kids. John is sitting in Tita Bebang's lap with this huge smile on his face ripping up wrapping paper on his Christmas gift. Marie has big hair and is taking good care of Eric. (Look at the Christmas pictures from this year- my hair has it's own gravitational force and I'm with the kiddies too!)

There are these people in the pictures that I don't recognize. They're holding Eric or posing in front of the tree and I have no idea who are are. Have they changed so much I can't recognize them? Or have they simply fallen out of Eric's life?

You know what the weirdest thing about this pile of photos is? Lolo Luis. He's sitting on a chair, he's playing with Eric, he's watching the cousins squabble, he's posing in front of the tree just like we still do. Makes me wonder about him, you know, if he was as cool as Lolo is. What tendancies he had, the cadances of his speech, if he piled food on his grandchildrens plates too!

Alright, next roll!

I started at a young age...

This is me at Age 2. I guess I have always loved vacuuming.

Night Out Polyvore

Night Out by AerianaEve featuring Joe's Jeans fashion

Love and Discipline Polyvore

Love and Discipline by AerianaEve featuring All Saints

Steampunk Polyvore

Steampunk by AerianaEve featuring All Saints

Normal Things Described Ridiculously, and Baby Kyle!

Normal Things Described Ridiculously
Subways: Hundreds of people sit inside tubes of metal hurling itself through narrow tunnels dug out of rocks meters below the earth's surface.
Cars: People sit inside this 2 ton cube of metal while oil lights on fire and explodes beneath them.
Organ Transplants: Doctors knife up some dead guy, pull out the heart and lungs and corneas and kidneys and livers and knife up some sick person and stick them in.
Earrings: You pay $15 for a lady to shoot a pointy metal stick into your flesh. Then you drive more metal sticks into this hole in your ear with little dangly things hanging off them.

Kyle
Yes, I know, ANOTHER ONE? I saved the best topic in this post for last- please welcome Kat's niece-or-nephew No15...KYLE!
He's not red or squishy-faced at all so he looks much older. Obviously he's very cute, right down to his sneezes and hiccups. I think he's heavier than Alyssa actually. I'm going to teach him about science and health and anything else he wants to know. (I've promised each of my nieces and nephews I'd teach them about science and I am true to my word!) Maybe when he's much older he'll read this and wonder, "How was Tita Tina ever 19? She's so old right now!" I wish I had something more interesting to say but I'm all tuckered out.

Chinese People Pincushions, Alyssa Rae, and Young Lovin'

I went all over Pacific Mall and Market Village looking for a chinese people pincushion of my own, but I couldn't even find a regular pincushion! So I'm using my mom's, which is pink and bigger than the one pictured, and it also smells kinda weird. She says it's because it's 25 years old.
This is No 14, Alyssa. See, I realize I look super awkward all the time because my shoulders are always way up so now I look normal with Alyssa. =) She's less squishy-faced than Christian. Er...I was really excited when she was born but I haven't seen her for weeks and I really want to but she's in Mississauga soo... I hardly see my nieces and nephews because I don't live on Valdor Drive, (don't ask) but I see my Mississauga nieces and nephews only a couple times a year. Aren't they awesome though? So awesome.

Here's some old pictures I found. Hooray!

Why I Think You Can Get Anaphylaxis From Using Cerumol

First a quick note, I have disinfected Speedy's tank and waiting for it to achieve biological stasis before I return her, so her temporary address is:

The Box
The Floor
Tina's Room / West Guyzeeland
Upstairs

and then the rest is the same.

Three Points:

• Cerumol is a formula for ear drops containing peanut oil.
• Anaphylaxis is a serious reaction to a stimulus, (in this case, peanuts.)
• Let the subject be allergic to peanuts/peanut products.

Now let's begin.

I know that your tear ducts are connected to your ears because if you shoot water really fast into your ear it comes out your eyes. I know your eyes are connected to your nose because when you cry you get sniffly. I know your nose is connected to your brain because Egyptians pulled out the brain through the nose, and because if you thread a wire through a pig fetus' nose it comes out it's brain. I know the nose is connected to the trachea and esophagus because if you sniff up a nose bleed it goes down your throat and it's very unpleasant, and I know if you eat something and swallow it wrong it can go down your trachea which is also unpleasant. I know all of these things are near veins but there is a barrier between blood and the brain, ears and the blood, eyeballs and blood, nose and blood. For the cerumol to cross these barriers, (skin, etc.) it must...well...cross them. I dunno, active transport or something?

However, say the subject uses the ear drops, then stands up. The ear drops travel to the tear duct area and down the nose, but the subject sniffs it up. The cerumol is sniffed into the esophagus which leads to the stomach where it is broken down and the cerumol seeps through the villi to the bloodstream.

OR there's a hole in the lining of the ear/eye/nose/brain and it goes through.

Nice Guys

Do you remember nice guys? I didn't. I remember a lot of bravado, puffing of chests and fluttering feathers. I met a nice guy today in the library. I mean, we'd known each other from before, but I hadn't seen him in a long time.

He was...nice! He didn't press when I said I just wasn't in school, or where I had transferred to. He was calm, even-spoken. In turn, I felt more calm. When I left I felt happy. You know the feeling when you're wearing a circle skirt, a top, and a little sweater? That was the feeling. I like that. I miss that. I feel like I've turned defensive over time and for a moment, he made me softer.

My eyes relaxed and my shoulders dropped and it was like...different! Now I realize I'm almost always on guard, for people who will be abrasive about my school situation, or my orientation or my issues. I'm also on guard for things that will hurt, like Speedy's claws or getting that look about school, anything!

I want to become more like that. I want to be less angry, less crass. You know, in grade nine I felt different. I could be sweet and graceful at times. Then something shifted and when there were times I wanted to be like that I just ended up telling stupid jokes or explaining myself before people made judgments. Which made me tired, justifying myself. Maybe I can still be like that.

In elevator
With phlebotomist, eyeing
Her blue box of sharps.

The Oasis From the Mess

This is my room! It's not messy, but it is especially small so it looks AGES to figure out a system that would keep it organized. I like it!

How to Survive a Messy House, Part 2

Breakfast Nook

As you can see, there is a microwave in the corner. The rest of the nook is pretty much unrecognizable. The best way to tackle something like this is to just dig in. If you're looking for something, just dig in and push things aside until you've found it. Or not.

How to Survive a Messy House Part 1

Hallway
Yes, believe it or not, this is the fairly clean part of the upstairs hallway. Now to be honest, a lot of that stuff is my brothers, things he brought back from uni that no longer fits in his room, or his apartment. But it is indicative of how the rest of the upstairs hallway is. (Downstairs is okay.) The hallway between our rooms is also lined with piles of stuff, but it tends to fall over.

When walking or running through a messy hallway, run on the balls of your feet. This ensures that even if you encounter a new obstacle, you can jump quickly to a clear spot of carpet. If you're going slowly, you may be able to pick your way through the mess. At night you can either shuffle your feet slowly so you feel your way to clear areas, or you can try to remember exactly where the obstacles lie and skip over it.

Family Room
Well...well. This room sextuples as the family computer room, bedroom, "sewing room", tv room, and laundry room. All meant in good spirits, as we don't have any other place to do these things. (Except for the bedroom bit.) Note the laundry piled everywhere and the "sewing table" which is really just a table with some thread and more crap piled onto it. Where is the sewing machine? I have no idea.
Many HGTV shows advocate creating "zones" for each room. However, this is an EPIC FAIL. There are no zones so much as piles of crap, not organized to their content. In one pile is scrap paper, plastic bags, some wrappers, clothes, books, and pillows.

The best way to treat this room is as a toxic waste site. Avoid it at all costs! The very first thing I purchased when I started working was a laptop so I wouldn't have to come in here anymore. I get a basket and collect my laundry from here ASAP to fold and put away in my room. Should you require use of the ironing board/steamer/vacuum/etc, take them out of the room and use them elsewhere. If you need to go to the windows, make a beeline for them and try not to look at your surroundings. Use the curtain to create a physical barrier between yourself and the room. If you absolutely must stay in the room for extended periods of time, clean up the area around you.

Pantry
I once cleaned the pantry, organizing it first by type, then size. Years later this is still a huge boon, because it means that my search for non-perishable food is streamlined. Use the same on-the-balls-of-your-feet technique to pick your way through.

One of a Kind Spring '09

OOAK: Yea, that's my stash. I've been saving up for ages to go to this show, and I'm so glad I did. If Zanisha hadn't come with me I'd probably still be in hibernation. We went on Wednesday, then I went back on Saturday. I thought about each purchase long and hard, because I am indecisive like that, but in the end I'm happy with what I did and did not buy. I took that picture in the hopes that I could win free tickets for OOAK Winter '09. Yea, I got a skirt. It is THE most fabulous skirt I have ever owned- from Morena, my very first designer garment. It's really fun to spin in because it's not your average circle skirt, (although I have nothing against circle skirts!) it's cut like a kite skirt but really cool. If I could clothe myself out of the stuff at OOAK I would be the most stylish person ever. Also, either really poor or really rich.

My cool waist belt and wrist cuff, (dupioni silk!) are from Viola Blanca. Her designs are different, but the defining factor is really the quality of the silk and construction. If I could have, I would have gotten a whole pile of other stuff. God, I want some silk...my Tita Luth said in September or something that she would totally be behind me if I decided to go to Thailand just for silk. Theoretically of course because that would be stupid. But oh, my, god.

Red fine mesh earrings from Flying Frog Designs. They are my first red jewelry ever, and possibly my first red clothing/etc ever. I used to hate red, and I still think I look weird in red, but those earrings really pop.

Fancy hair and night-out makeup by me! Well, not really. I knew at the most, only half my face would be in it so I really just rushed and painted on some lipstick. The hair was easy because my perm is still in, (I know, right!?) so I just did a messy bun and stuck some hair sticks in there because I couldn't be bothered with bobby pins.

I got these really awesome prints on Saturday because on Wednesday I coveted them but had to think about it. I've been thinking about getting some art on my walls. I mean, I've got some cool stuff up there and it's positioned well, but I'd like some art of my own. Art? $$$$$$!!! Prints? $$$$! Art cards? $! So I got two art cards from Alicia Wishart, a polar bear and a tree frog, and I wanted the zebra but it wasn't there anymore so she said she would mail it to me. I love her style, it's so graphic.

The wristlet is from this new place, House of Hsueh. I feel like such a whitey, but that's korean right? She's really cool, she didn't mind that I sat there for like, ten minutes staring at these two different fabrics deliberating. That one in particular is the double circle wristlet. She's got smaller and bigger wristlets/bags, and some cute mod headbands too!

Oh, and the rest of the outfit? Oh boy, sleeveless top with those strings on the side that are like a drawstring but not really is from Jacob Jr, years and years ago. I'm sucking in my tummy for the picture because even though I still fit into that top, I fit into it but look like a donut. Rainbow "friendship" bracelet from Out on the Street, (I get one every year at Pride to mark my coming out, but I might not this year.) The other bracelet I'm wearing that that BUTT UGLY Medic Alert. Wedge sneakers from some place in the states, and for some reason I always think that they're purple when I know they're brown with flowers.

I loved Lux and Luster but dude, I haven't been saving for THAT long. I saw quite a few puffed cuffs on jacket sleeves, (only 3/4 sleeves, because let's be honest, a full length sleeve with a puffed cuff? Gross!) and loved them all. I've got a lot of spring jackets though, and 3/4 sleeve jackets aren't practical in Canada.

Okay, I'm tired. All this pretending to be so un-trendy that I'm trendy is making me sleepy.

What the fuck does Kat do all day?

Many people have asked me what I do, now that I don't attend school. Well, right now I'm talking to Christine on MSN and writing up this blog post, but here are some other things that fill my time. (You might like them too!)

Etsy
Yes, I'm still working on inventory on my Etsy shop, but I've hit a serious roadblock and I'm trying to work through it. I also spend time cruising the Storque, which is like this huge Etsy blog, and going through the forums which is essential to being an Etsy seller. Not to mention looking around at things I must not buy!

Walk to No Frills
I like grocery shopping a lot, but I rarely come home with a big load. Basically fruits for me, veggies for speedy, something yummy and bad for you, and frozen juice. Oh, and I almost always stop at the Filipino bakery for sweet bread.

Do Yoga
Yes, I'm one of those lame people who uses exercise videos at home. But I like yoga, and I really like the instructions in this series of yoga videos and some of them are pretty intense. Which I also like. =)

Do Weird Things
Like scream and laugh hysterically and lie in the sun on the driveway and let Speedy out for walks around the kitchen and sing really loud and dance with Big Bunny and Regular Bunny and Elephant and sometimes Rachel.

Clean
You must all know how much I like cleaning, so yes, I spend a lot of time vaccuming and putting stuff away or re-organizing things.

"Window" Shop
I'm one of those girls who really likes shopping but doesn't earn much so spends some time looking at things I must not spend money on.

Write Newsletters
Because I like shopping so much, it is mandatory that I stay on top of all kinds of discount goodness. Clearance sales and coupons and stuff like that. So I've started an (almost) weekly newsletter that puts together all the good sales and grocery deals.

Photoshop
I'm trying to put together an image of all the people that make me very happy, like my nieces and nephews and aminals and animals and stuff.

Work on Family Tree
Yes, I'm working on another family tree, but this time not on paper, because I don't even know how to draw all those connections. I was going through the TIME 100 Best Websites of 2008 and they had this website that does it for free, and it's really easy. But damn my family is freaken huge.

Read the News!
I keep up with the Star and all the gay news stuff, as well as checking out the mental_floss morning cup of links. Oh, and I check the actual paper newspaper to see if there's a good Retail cartoon strip so I can cut it out for the store.

Go on Cool Websites
Word Association - Just like Freud! The computer gives you a word and then you associate it, then it associates that on it's own and you associate that and it goes on and on. It's not even a lame computer, it makes honest connections.
There are more but I'm tired again so bye!

Why I Hate My Medic Alert

There it is, in all it's stainless steel glory. I have no idea what to do with this ugly metal thing wrapped around my wrist. I want bracelets and I think, "damn that's pretty and also a really good price!" but then I try it on and it's like, "that looks hidous with my Medic Alert." Do you know why?
Because it looks like this. It's a silver bracelet, but it's not silver, it's stainless steel, (like your fridge or pots and pans) so next to silver it looks...well, like your fridge or pots and pans. That is the "Designer Stainless Steel" style. The difference between that and the normal steel is that they sanded the tops off the links, so they're flat. Beautiful. $39.

It's okay for everyday wear, occasionally I get annoyed that I can't wear one of my non-ugly bracelets with it, but it's not a big deal. (Even though I really want to wear my non-ugly bracelets!!!) It's evenings that are the problem. It's not like I can leave it at home for an evening party because you never know what they'll serve for food. Nor can I attach it to my bag because I leave that at the table. The only other place to put it...is on my ankle. Which is stupid and ugly, so I keep it on my wrist and just let it mingle with the pretty jewelry. I can't stand wearing bracelets on my right wrist because I write so much, so that's not an option.

Let's look at the options we DO have:

CHARM SILVER - I407A

Charming indeed. I like the idea of a charm bracelet, at least I can customize it. The only problem is the links itself- is it a bracelet, or is it leftover chain-maille? Good idea, poor execution. This piece clocks in at $140.00, plus taxes and shipping.

CHELSEA - I423
-picture-
The circular medallion is a change from the usual...Jesus fish shape. They may have attempted to reproduce the famous Tiffany bracelet, but failed when it came to the size of each link, (Medic Alerts' is much fatter) and how closely they linked together. The Tiffany bracelet lies flat, whereas I'd imagine it would be difficult to get the chain to line up here. Points for shinyness, it is definitely shiny. $145.

MADISON - I425A
-picture-
Back to the fish emblem. The Medic Alert website touts it as having an, "elegantly textured cable chain." At first glance I couldn't differentiate it from the stainless steel variety but then I noticed the lines circuling each link. I thought I was either starting to lose my eyesight, or they had designed a bracelet with links that look like tiny earthworms. More realistically, it could be more difficult to clean because of the texture. Another whopping $145.

There we have it. There are some other designs that looked...passable, but not anything of note. I'll be on the lookout for a great silver engravable bracelet, but the one thing Medic Alert has on anyone else is it's strength. I've worn this bracelet for three or four years and it hasn't ever fallen off or gotten lost in the swimming pool. I'll tell you when I do find something to swap for this, but in the mean time, I'll be checking out tattoo artists. It might just be easier to get my allergies and Medic Alert number stuck on there, and it will definitely be prettier.

Big Love Ep 309 - Outer Darkness (SPOILERS)

I have been watching Big Love for three years. That's right ladies and gents, I was a mere fifteen years old when this show came out and I still LOVE it!

Just as last week's episode revealed a whole lot of stuff, this one seems to have found a pile of conclusions- although some don't really feel final yet. (Do they ever in this show?) Yes, every episode of Big Love is this crazy. I'm just going to go quick and fast because I am already started to forget the episode, my memory is so bad.

1. NICKI HAD A DAUGHTER? I just found out Nicki had been unwillingly married before to this JJ creep! This is all too much for one character.

2. Poor Barb. She gave up a lot for Bill and his testimony to take a second wife. Now she is being forced to give up her church because her polygamous marriage has come to the attention of the Bishop and the state dude. I am so proud of her when she decides to give up the church, rather than give up the family. Still, the scene where she is excommunicated is so harsh and almost cruel. It just makes Barb seem so much stronger.

3. BILL IS GOING TO DIVORCE NICKI? What!? Nicki is obviously going to have problems with taking sides, she wants to be a part of her family but she is also commited to the one she has with Bill. Before you divorce, let her talk! Nicki, if Bill lets you talk you better not screw it up!

4. This whole thing with Barb going to the temple is so strange to me, but not unlike the Catholic church. Both have a great deal of ritual, different garb, and a goal of good life in the everlasting. Barb had faith without the church, but she also lost the comfort and sense of community it gave her.

5. The whole pregnant-Sarah storyline had kind of fallen by the wayside, so it took me a moment to remember why Ben punched Scott in the face and Bill was so pissed to see him. He wanted to help, but Sarah didn't tell him! There is a serious communication problem between Sarah and her family, though I don't think she's got it all figured out for herself either.

6. Go Margene! Margie has got it all balanced out and she's trying really hard to get her family to find that place too. She knows when Nicki and Barb aren't really talking, even though they think they are, and she knows when Bill needs to do some talking to everyone. She's really starting to find her place in the family and standing up for it. I like that she's not being so much of a ditzy pushover. Now everyone can see how smart and brave she is.

7. Cindy and Tom/Ted don't know how dangerous these things are or they'd never let their daughter play alone in the front yard. She may be old enough to do that, but no one is safe from the Greene's. Tom/Ted, get it together! You can't accuse Bill and Barb of having anything to do with the abduction, then take Bill aside and be truthful and say this is a lot of his fault.

8. Oh Wanda. Wanda is so secretly smart. She does what everyone else wants to do, when she poisoned Alby everyone else wanted to poison him but she was the one who did it. When she went to Barb for help on how to be a good first wife, she knew that she wouldn't be able to do it, and she said that to Kathy. I think everyone wanted Jodeen to replace Kathy, and Wanda acted on it. She's kooky but she definitely knows what she's doing.

9. CAN EVERYBODY JUST STOP- AND TALK? Alby, you need to go to the DA and tell them what you discovered about the night Kathy died.
Nicki, you need to talk about how confusing it is being a Grant AND a Henrickson.
Barb, at some point you're going to need to express just how hard it was to accept Nicki as a second wife let alone the whole pologamy thing.
Margie, you know what's going on and you're so close to getting them all together on it!
Bill, for god's sake, just think before you speak? You wouldn't get into half as many problems if you would just stop for a second and go, "hey wait, do I want to threaten this person or would it be useful to me in the future if this person trusted me?"
Sarah, go to therapy. I've been in therapy. Go to the damn therapy and straighten the past three years of your life out. Think about it. Trust me, things get easier if you stop for a bit and look at what's happened before you go barreling on. You've just lost your child, you can take a break!
Joey, talk to people and get things done for yourself. Stop relying on Bill and make your own contacts. You're a lot more clear-headed than Bill, though your anger about Kathy may mar your judgement...

10. My, my, my. Joey has a backbone and he's finally standing up to Bill. I think denying that you and Billy are brothers is too far, but Bill is just too mixed up on a lot of things.

11. Bill. STAND UP. BILL? What is this, look at Bill then pan to the stars with ominous music then pan back to Bill? Unless this season has at least 12 more episodes then he better be conscious real soon!

12. Bill, get a big piece of paper and start mapping out what you've been doing. You'll see that a lot of mistakes you've been making could have been prevented.

This all makes for really frustrating, but really good TV. Next time folks, no more passing out at the end of the episode!

Ray's Fantastic Quizzy Thingamajiggy

1. If your doctor told you TODAY that you were pregnant, what would you say?
"I know you can't see a lot from an ultrasound but... that's baby is Jesus, right?"

2. Do you trust all of your friends?
No. Everyone has their secrets, and everyone has friends for certain things. There are people I'd trust with my life, and people I'd trust with my wardrobe.

3. Would you move to another province or country to be with the one you love?
I suppose I would. I mean, if we could work something out then I would like to, because I don't want to be far from my nieces and nephews but I would follow her if I had to, yes.

4. Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?
Not everything, and not always for a good reason.

5. Can you make a dollar in change right now?
Yes, (and I'm being COMPLETELY serious right now) I was just downstairs rolling up pennies into handmade rolls while my mom talked about her work. I made four rolls of 50 cents in pennies, so I can actually make a toonie in change.

6. Which of your friends do you think would make the best doctor?
Me!!!
Valerie, of course. She's studious but that's not all there is to her. She wants to practice medicine and tend to people, and I think that's in her nature.
Christine would be the best forensic pathologist because she's really good at figuring stuff out like that, and who doesn't like pathology? (No really, who doesn't like pathology?)

7. Are you afraid of falling in love?
Yes. I'm afraid I would mess it up, I'm afraid that I would be too high maintenance or get depressed and cut off from her completely. I don't want to be too needy, because all I've been imagining for ages is someone who will just be there for me, no matter how I am or what mood I'm in or how I absolutely positively have to keep things clean. I want someone who will help me pick up the pieces everytime I fall apart, but I don't want that to encompass our relationship. I want it to be a healthy relationship, not all give and all take, or mutual misery, I want it to be...whatever it is, in love.

8. What kind of car were you driving 2 years ago?
Two years ago, let's see, I was almost 17 so I think at that point I had driven Nelson's car about ten meters, and I steered our family car for a couple hundred meters on the 401 when my brother had to sneeze really really bad. I don't know what kind of car Nelson had at the point, and our car was/is a red Dodge Grand Caravan with Stow 'n' Go.

9. Is there someone who pops into your mind at random times?
At the mall, lots of people pop into my mind. "Oh, this is would be great for...!" or "Oh, ... would love this, it's just her kind of humour!" Fictional characters pop up the most though, from books or movies or especially stories I make up.

10. What's your most favorite scar?
Hmm, I have a tie for my favourite scar. My first ever stitches happened when I face planted into the ice. It comes along with a great story and fabulous quotes; "I can see your trachea!" My other favourite scar also includes stitches and is much less fun but is also a great story with fabulous quotes; "It's like watching the ballet of the 4-0 vicryl!" Or any burn scar, I just think they're kind of odd looking scars.

11. When was the last time you flew in a plane?
Last March on my way back from Chicago.

12. What did the last text message you sent say?
To Christine: "I was walking in here with a bunch of people and it was like Exodus of the Asians to their mecca."

13. What physical features do you find most attractive in the preferred sex?
Strong hands?

14. Fill in the blank. I love:
My Bunny's!/Turtle!/Elephant's!/Giraffe's!/etc!

15. What is a goal you would like to accomplish in the near future?
Get my licence finally? I'd say go back to school, but I don't want to do that until I'm ready. There is no reason to rush back into the fray if I know I'm just going to crash again.

16. If you were to wake up from being in a coma for an extended time who would you call?
Lolo and Lola and Pau and Christine and Val and Big Bunny and Regular Bunny and Elephant and Speedy and stuff?

17. How many kids do you want to have?
Two or four. Normally I think three is a good number but I have a superstition about the middle kid in that situation. *cough pau* cough karl*

18. Would you make a good parent?
I think I would be a great parent, as long as I get help in making sure I don't overanalyze the kid and say, "oh my god she's got depression!" when she/he is just having a bad time. Also I would totally be one of those parents who freaks out when they have to let their kid go, which is why I like cell phones even though I'm really bad with mine.

19. Where was your default picture taken?
If it's the picture I'm thinking it is, than my room.

20. Whats your middle name?
Miranda. Yea, that's right, I'm a meek girl in Shakespeare. To make up for it though, my parents named me after Katherine, the totally not meek girl in Shakespeare. Good balance, I think. (Except that my name is NOT Katherine, or Katrina, or Kat-Kat, my name is KA-THE-RI-NA. NONE OF THOSE LETTERS ARE SILENT!!! RAGHHHHH!!!)

21. Honestly, whats on your mind right now?
To do my yoga, or not to do my yoga.

22. If you could go back in time and change something, what would it be?
There are a lot of things I'd change, and a lot of things I'd do earlier.

23. Who was or will be the maid of honor/ best man in your wedding?
Big Bunny, Regular Bunny, Elephant and Speedy. I'm not joking. I'm thinking of a little red wagon to carry them in.

24. What are you wearing right now?
Bright coral socks, red yoga pants, blue tangas, a white long sleeve boatneck top underneath a black short sleeve tee with two birds and "electricity" on it, a nude coloured bra, a size 4 cubic zirconium ring, black half rim versus glasses with rectangular lenses, a brown hair tie, a tiny bit of purple nail polish on my right big toe, my silver necklace with the star of david and "balance" pendants. How's that?

25. Righty or Lefty?
I write with my write hand, but politically I'm a lefty for sure!

26. Best place to eat?
In a comfortable place, like Vanessa's closet, by yourself. (But not Vae's closet, because that would be creepy. I'm just sayin' that would be a nice size.)

27. Favorite jeans?
I don't own jeans because I have this whole thing about constrictive pants, but I like bootleg ones, or just straight up regular cut jeans.

28. Favorite animal?
Bunnies!

29. Favorite juice?
Orange/pinapple.

30. Have you had the chicken pox?
Yes.

31. Have you had a sore throat?
Yea, last Friday after laughing a lot for the first time in ages.
Also a minor sore throat after every shift. "Hi, do you have a club card? Would you like to start one? The program is going on a hiatus until May 30th while they update the system, so I'll check if you have any reward certificates because they will expire by that date. Just hold onto your card and come back in the spring! It's Buy 3 Cards Get 3 for Free, would you like to try that? If you had $9.99 to your purchase you can get one of those frames! No? Alright, just in case Easter gifting and candies are 25% off." That is actually what I have to say to every customer.

32. Ever had a bar fight?
I've been in a bar. Like, twice!

33. Who knows you the best?
Big Bunny and Regular Bunny.

34. Shoe size?
7.5, same as Chrostine. Pau has freakishly tiny feet. I know there's a store where her shoe size is actually a specialty size because it's usually a kids shoe size. Freak! Hahaa just kidding...or am I? Nahhh just kidding! Or am I?

35. Do you wear contact lenses or glasses?
I wear glasses, I'm thinking about contacts again, and saving for laser eye surgery so I can do away with both.

36. Ever been in a fight with your pet?
Kind of. Speedy bit me by accident when she was trying to bite the turtle jello shot I was giving her and I yelled and then waited for her to let go. Then I patted her on the shell while she attacked the jello shot and went to go irrigate and close the triangle shaped wound.

37. Been to Mexico?
No, but some of my cousins have!

38. Did you buy something today?
Today I purchased a bottle of orange juice, two deep and delicious singles, and a 12 pack of my new vice, red tangerine Fanta.

39. Did you get sick today?
No.

40. Do you miss someone today?
Yea, Bunny. Except that she's right next to me, but I miss her all the time because I love her that much.

41. Did you get in a fight with someone today?
Kind of, a customer was being annoying so I told her, "Have a nice day!" in a semi-sarcastic way, because I really do hope people have a nice day but I was torn between hoping she had a nice day and hoping she would get a verbal ass kickin' by the next store associate she tried to bungle.

42. When is the last time you had a massage?
When was the last person I allowed someone to touch me? That's right, you just walk away now.

43. Last person to lay in your bed?
Right now Ladybug and Butterfly and Jingles and Chippie and Big Bunny and Regular Bunny and Elephant and Rachel and everyone who lives in the condo apartments of Guyzeeland are in my bed.

44. Last person to see you cry?
I dunno, probably Big Bunny.

45. Who made you cry?
No one.

46. What was the last TV show you watched?
South Park at Pau's house.

47. What are your plans for the weekend?
The weekend will be over in 3 minutes and I plan to spend it finishing this quiz and then looking to see if the new Big Love is already on mega upload or not.

48. Who do you think will repost this and tag you??
Someone else with a lot of time on their hands.

49. Who was the last person you hung out with?
Speedy.

50. If your significant other asked you to marry them TODAY what would you say?
"Who are you?" and "Don't worry, I've got all the wedding plans done. You just go get dressed. Oh wait, here's a drawing of your outfit!"

A Most Wonderful Day

Will do text after nap!

Shopping Fantasy

-scene-

Kat sighs. "You're wearing that again? Really? Couldn't you at least...wear a camisole under it and do up one more button? And those shoes with those pants? Really?"
"Why, whatever do you mean Kat?" she replies.
"I'm not just Kat, the plain looking girl with bad hair and large pants. I'm Goddess Kat, goddess of crazy people and gay people, and also, Kat, the Worst Dressed Fashionista Ever. Let me HELP you!"
"Why, okay! Where should we start?"
Kat thinks it through for a moment then says, "I don't have a license or a car, but I think I would be a good driver if I had both those things because I drive a lot in my dreams. Since I'm not dreaming...we'll hit Markville. It costs two bus tickets to get there, but the sale selection is much better than at the big and/or ghetto malls."
"Markville Mall? Isn't that where you work?" she asked with thinly veiled skepticism.
"Yep. Pretty much on top of Bulk Barn. They have grape Fruit To Go, 5 for $1."
"That's great, but I don't really like Fruit to Go. Why don't we go down to Yorkville, then hit the boutiques on Queen West?"
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, do Yorkville stores even HAVE sale sections? I'm good with Queen West though, if you've got $100 000 and a Metropass," chortled Kat.
"I do, and we shall" she decided.
Kat stared at her. "A hundred thousand dollars and TWO Metropasses?"
"Well, two hundred thousand dollars, a hundred thousand for each of us."
"No. Way."
"Yea, come on! We'll drive to Yorkville in my Audi R8!"
"What the fuck is that? Is that a car? Hold on, I gotta call my friend Nelson and ask."

In 0-62 in 4.2 they arrived in trendy, upscale Yorkville.
Kat clambers out of the car, "this car is so LOW. What if you develop knee problems? And only two seats? Where do you put the car seat? I like the way it smells though, it's like that smell I like but can never identify."
"Yea, I got it specially scented in 'That Smell You Like But Can Never Identify.'"
"That explains it."
"So Kat, where do we start?"
"Uh...I'm sorry, my eyes are dazzled by that ginormous Tiffany's. You know their pretty box and the little bag it comes in? I love that box."
"I think you have to buy something to get the box. Say, why don't we go in there and pick up a couple rings, and a bracelet/necklace/pair of earrings or six. Then we can ask for all the boxes you want!"
Kat stares at her and three hours later they emerge with some seriously fabulous jewelry and a bag of little blue boxes. The rest of the day is a whirl of events just like that. Fittings for custom pants and jeans, shoes they order for your exact foot shape/size, enough hats to warrent having a hat box, accessories, tops, bottoms, dresses and gowns!
"But where are we going to wear these evening gowns?" asked Kat. "I mean, I know they're freaken awesome, but you really think we need these?"
"I've got a couple benefits to go to, I'm just so glad you helped me pick these! Otherwise I would have ended up going in that sketchy light green number with the uh..."
"Square neck empire waist?"
"Yea, that."
"That was absolutely horrible for you."
"Yea, this other couture gown looks way better."

And thus the pair began shopping together all the time. Later Kat became a movie/TV star, best selling novelist, M.D. specializing in adolescent medicine and psychiatry/geriatrics/family practise/emergency medicine, mother of two, wife of one, and a magical ability to do all those things with time to spare. Kat repaid her within a year, with interest.

Also Kat bought all the houses in an entire neighbourhood that are water/fire/disaster/cockroach/ant/insect/fly/bug proof and rented them out to her friends and family, and to people in need on a pay-what-you-can basis. She created a transit system that doesn't suck and fixed everything wrong in health care and the government and stuff like that. Also she fixed Canada Post. She passed a movement that saw the entire world cut prices to 1/8 their current value just to make things look less expensive. She also fixed everything and set it up to make way for change and future developments and stuff.

When it comes

There you are.

Then you aren't.

Dreaming of Everything

1.
I dream about food. For a month after I stopped eating chips I dreamt vividly of every flavour I ever liked. When I sleep I dream that I'm eating ice cream and ice cream cakes with the crumblies, drinking Five Alive tropical concentrate and Fanta red tangerine, snacking on cookie dough and chips, the entire Cadbury chocolate factory... And then I wake up and stick some shit in the microwave and try to get back into the habit of eating one meal a day. I dunno when I lost that...

2.
I dream of my shortcomings. Lately there have been fewer of these, but I used to dream of getting my diploma and waking up and thinking that it's finally happened, but alas no. In my dreams I count credits.

3.
I dream about people. People who believe in me, whom I am scared of disappointing. People who don't and whom I'm scared of getting into conversations with. People who don't who just piss me off. People who make assumptions. People who know things. People who hurt.

4.
I dream of fear. I dream about things happening that never did, but I mix them up with real life anyways. I dream of hiding and running and poisoning and being trapped and boats and airplanes. I dream dreams that somehow have changed me forever.

I'm sitting here writing while I sip at my red tangerine Fanta and it feels strangely rebellious.

I Don't

It's weird that this realization came to me while I was pulling frozen lasagna cubes out of the basement freezer...and then that I remembered while listening to this really creepy Beyonce song where she talks about fucking this guy and...anyway.

I don't have to explain to you.
I don't have to seek justification from others.
You don't have understand what I'm doing for me to do it.
You don't have to approve what I'm doing for me to do it.



I have spent so long trying to get used to not having my family there, and in the process I stayed attached to other people. Despite that, I think of myself as pretty self-sufficient. I don't want to cut people out of my life, I'm not signing up to spend the rest of my life with my aminals and Speedy. But I have to stop seeking positive reinforcement from others or I'm not going to get anywhere.

The path to my anywhere doesn't seem to please you much, but I'm gonna to keep going down it.

Not So Hasty 3

I un-published my HastyHasty 3 post because it was really...truthful but also angry.

This one I'm editing to be less angry.

So... I want to be a doctor.

SAVE IT okay? Just let it go. I know it's not going to happen. But I still want to be one, and I still really like learning stuff like that.

• So when I know someone's having a hard time and they go, "someone order me a pizza," I think "me too" and at the same time, "emotional eating"!
• When someone says it burns when they pees and nothing else makes sense, I say go to your doctor cuz you probably have a UTI.

I THINK MEDS ARE GREAT! There is so much we can do now that we, (we=our species) couldn't do 10, 50, 100, 2000 years ago! Can you imagine that we have gone from leeches to ibuprofen? We eradicated smallpox. Do you have any idea how fucking awesome that is? Yes, I realize that there are limitations. What kind of a douche do you think I am? Just like throughout the past, there are always better things to come and know.

I THINK ALMOST EVERYTHING CAN BE EXPLAINED BY SCIENCE. Cause and effect. The world is like a giant Goldberg machine, it's all really complicated but it's also straightforward. Which...isn't the point of a Goldberg machine, but it makes sense!

I LIKE MAKING CONNECTIONS. I like eliminating variables to draw conclusions. I like research and experiments and figuring stuff out.


...but you know, none of this matters because nobody reads this blog and even if they did, I'd still be the girl who thinks meds are magical. Ah piss off, all of you.

Pictures of Christian

Before I go from my hastyhasty blog into another hastyhasty I'm going to post some pictures of Christian, aka No.13, aka my newest nephew. I think he's eight days old now, but here's he's like, nine hours old.


And I've already posted the picture of Nayah with Foofy and the Car and Christian's little bassinet so I'm not going to again so I can get to hastyhasty post number twooooooo!!!!